The Palette Bistro and Academy of Fine Art

The Palette Bistro and Academy of Fine Art Where Fine Food Meets Fine Art.

06/08/2015

Well Linda, here we are moving past another year. Last month was hard. Coming up to your birthday and past it, I always feel an intangible sense of loss even before I realize what it's attached to. Then I remember that summer; bringing your birthday gift to you, meeting at your house to make our little dolls, getting your call after you discovered something was wrong, your insistence that we go shopping for lights because it might be the last time we did something normal, the doctor appointments, sleeping at the hospital, saying goodbye to you when we brought you home thinking I would be back to spend the morning with you ... And now the house is sold and going through the house mom and dad built, which became your house, saying goodbye to the bedroom we shared as we went through high school and college I could hear your voice and feel your presence. It was another moment of saying goodbye ... many goodbyes. That house was a tangible memory made of wood, sheetrock and cement, a touchstone where I could be in the physical space where you and mom and dad were with me. I think as you grow older you have to pay very close and clear attention to the beautiful people and time you're given because you are so increasing surrounded by what you have lost. You can get mired in all the loss, and so it has to become about being present and mindful. The time we shared, Linda will always be a part of me because you left me with things I will never be apart from. So as we move through this summer, I'll do it with an appreciation of you, your love and your gentle movement through life.

08/25/2014

Linda, we've passed another anniversary of your leaving. As always I was struck by the nature of grief and how the feeling of loss doesn't lessen with time. Instead we reluctantly become accustomed to the absence, the void that is left in our lives. If we're lucky, we have lives that are full of caring and wonderful friends and family that help us dull that void. After your death I had those beautiful and wonderful people. Even so I find, upon packing to move that I have attempted to lessen my loss by keeping everything that you have given to me, touched, held in your hand, or even were in the presence of. A note you wrote, a broken Christmas ornament, shoes we bought alike, a necklace, the purse you held in your lap when we sat together talking. I've kept anything that made me feel closer to you while you've been gone. So now I have to start the process of letting go, keeping only the things a more rational, less affected person might keep. It's such a struggle, this learning to live without you, without my big sister as a guide for who to be. I grew up my entire life choosing you as my goal, modeling my handwriting after yours, attempting your gentle demeanor, (not possible by the way), imitating the mood and serenity of your house, ... so now, after, all these years, I have to figure out who I am without your inspiration. All of this brought on by this process of grieving you. And I find that you're still teaching me about life and how to embrace it.

03/28/2014

I had one of those moments tonight, Linda. After watching a movie and then having a discussion with my daughter about the meaning of the dialogue at the end, I realized one of the reasons your leaving us was so very hard for me to reconcile. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you … not in the way I wanted to at least. I would have wanted to sit with you and hug you and tell you how much you had always meant to me, how much your endless support of me had meant to me and how many times it had pulled me through the very worst moments of my life. I would have wanted to tell you how beautiful you were, how you were the sweetest, most giving and precious person I had ever known. I would have wanted to make sure you knew how gifted you were with the ability to make every person you touched feel special and valuable, and how that was a talent as special as any to which a musician or artist could aspire. I would have wanted you to understand how the memory of you would continue to inspire me and many others to be a better person … the kind of person you were and how that made the world a better place. I would have wanted you to understand how you were one of those people whose absence would always be felt. You were my best friend, my sister and my mentor. I feel your loss so intensely still, however you also inspire me to live a better life and love those precious to me better. Thank you for giving me the gift of your presence for so long and I'll always miss you.

01/18/2014

Grief is one of the strangest emotions. It's one of the events in your life where the belief that time heals is true, but only with respect to the frequency you feel the loss, not the extent. For me, I still think about you every day, Linda, however sometimes it's just a fleeting thought, like "I remember when you gave that to me" or "Oh, you wrote that to me", and sometimes those are even happy reminders. Other times it just hurts. We've gotten through another holiday period, and I wonder how long I'll feel your absence so intensely. For some reason, Thanksgiving is just as hard as Christmas for me. I think it's because we always prepared for the Thanksgiving meal together … not necessarily cooking together in the same kitchen, but together still. We'd talk about who was coming, what you were making and what I was making. Then the day before we'd start calling each other to check and see how far along each of us was with the cooking of dishes. I'd always get that phone call with your sweet voice on the other end of the phone saying "Oh, Connie are you in as much trouble as I am?" and I'd laugh because I always was. Do you know how much I miss those phone calls? I had no idea how precious they were to me. I took for granted that I'd always have our phone conversations almost every day for some reason or another, to help me tolerate, celebrate, cry, laugh, vent, complain and commiserate. It's been too long since I've had that privilege. Tonight, again I miss them so, as i miss you. I always will. I love you.

08/20/2013

730 days ago I lost my friend, my confidant, my mirror, my bridge, my constant, my angel, my support, my comfort, my joy, my sister. I have missed her every single one of those days. Whenever something bad happens to me, I wish for her presence and whenever something good happens to me, I wish for her presence. I know I always will.

07/10/2013

I realized today that I can't remember all the items on the menu at the Palette and I can't stop crying. I can't bear to give up any of those memories with Linda, not any hour or minute or second. I need to get a copy of our menu so that I can look at it from time to time. I remember the meatloaf sandwiches, chicken salad sandwich, grilled cheese, and on rare occasions grilled pb&j, her cold soups for summer; peach, strawberry, her soups for fall and winter; golden potato, beef stew, minestrone. For breakfast her baked egg sandwich, cinnamon rolls, and cinnamon roll french toast, her cheese danish and her waffles. I remember our scones and quiche. I remember her wonderful desserts; all kinds of her perfect cheesecake, carrot cake, her muffins .... what else?

02/10/2013

Linda was such an important part of my life, and still is. I've read several times lately, that the only permanence that anyone has is the memories that they create and the staying power of those memories. Linda created so many valuable memories while she was here. She absolutely created a permanent presence here among everyone who loved her. She was so very lovable. She is with me every day, in everything that I do and every experience that I have. She made me a better person because I still strive to be as good as she was. That bar is set very high. I love you Linda.

08/20/2012

It's been one year since Linda left us. It seems like much more than a year to me. I so miss her and wish that she was still here. She was so generous with me, providing both support and comfort no matter what happened. I think she did that for everyone she came into contact with. I'll always love her dearly.

07/28/2012

What a tremendous blessing you were in my life and how fortunate I was to have followed you closely my entire life. I'm so thankful that I had those years that we worked at the Palette together. It gave me a chance to spend every day with you and allowed our relationship to become richer and more dear. While this made your loss more profound, I'd still not trade those years working with you for anything.

07/05/2012

Last July 4th we were in such trouble. I know we're all having some very difficult days as we approach one year. I know that God is trying to teach me some very important lessons as I walk through this. I hope I'm learning what it is he wants me to know.

Chef at the Palette
04/10/2012

Chef at the Palette

03/18/2012

Linda, I still have people comment about how much they enjoyed your food at the Palette and how much they miss going there to eat. I made your cheese danish the other day and was reminded myself of how remarkable your cooking was. I love you. Connie

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