10/02/2020
Today marks one full year since I closed my doors. That day was probably the hardest day for me. On September 24th, without speaking with family, friends, staff or suppliers I had come to lean on for moral support, I made the decision to close right after Saturday service. I said good bye to staff, locked the doors and sat for over 2 hours in my space, walking around, touching my collections and saying my goodbye to the dream I had come to know as my reality. It was time. So much had taken place in my life and with the illness that Ryan went through and the journey he was on to heal, I just knew my heart was torn about the amount of time I was away from those I loved and could not be with because my drive to work always won out. I began packing that night and at 6 am went home and told Ryan what we were about to do. Close 319 and find our way on a different path. I can say I work as hard now as I did then. At times I have worked harder now than I did but I have the time now to ask for time off and visit with family and that is where and what I want now. Ryan has taken his journey through strength and conditioning his body. He found a home quickly with a gym that has helped him gain so much physically, nothing that medical science said would put me in a place to see him like this again pretty much pre-illness shape. Small reminders of his journey still to come, he is tired, slower that he would like, still has effects of damage to right side from the stroke but he looks great, strong, muscles, and he is doing exactly what he was always meant to do, train.
One year ago today, alone in my shop, empty except for the bar, the horse table and the wine tasting table in the rear. I sat on a crate unable to move. I could not get my mind or body to move to the back door like I had been doing over and over the last 6 days, going back and forth with boxes. But on this day, this time would be the last for me to leave and I could not do it. I called my youngest and she answered and she heard my voice and she talked me through this dark moment and and with her voice of support that I had done what I wanted and talking me into laying down the keys and move to the door was just the voice I needed at that moment.
Now I look back at this year, I see all the struggles we all face, all of the pain we are in not only from a world wide illness but the pain of 'being'. I believe our beings are strong and we can control them, but I see so much wrong right now, it hurts. But I also see good, I see strength in those that soldier on and know as a group we can overcome so much, not only as a group but as a person. Life is good, don't forget that simple sticker. its a simple reminder that every day counts for something so be your best, live your best, respect your neighbor and gain respect in return. Someday maybe someday, my dream and vision will come to life again, to bring a place to gather, take a break from life and share a conversation with wine and cheese! happy 1 year to my family. Thank you to all who shared 319 with us. I do miss so many smiling faces and hearing the conversations simmer along the walls.
