12/18/2025
The âGoodâ Old Days, As Remembered by Corporal Cheeks of the âBack Alley Patrolâ of Uranus
People always say, âThose were the good old days,â like they were soft, warm, and polite.
They werenât.
The good old days were loud, sticky, poorly lit, and smelled faintly of fudge, motor oil, and bad decisions. And if you were unlucky enough to be stationed where I was stationed, you didnât remember the good old days fondly, you survived them.
My name is Corporal Cheeks. First nameâs Corporal, last nameâs Cheeks. Donât ask. Records got messy early on in Uranus, and paperwork was never our strong suit.
I served with the Back Alley Patrol of Uranus, back when Uranus didnât have a welcome sign, a mayor with a suit that screamed authority, or tourists lining up asking if the fudge was really packed on site. Back then, Uranus had alleys. Real ones. Narrow. Questionable. Full of activity best described as âunsupervised.â
Late one night, the night that changed everything, we were three men short, two flashlights down, and one bad idea away from becoming a cautionary tale.
Thatâs when the Back Alley Patrol was born.
Not because someone planned it. Not because it was approved. It formed the way most things in Uranus form, out of necessity, confusion, and a mutual agreement that somebody needed to keep things⌠contained.
Our job wasnât law enforcement. It was damage control. We didnât ask questions. We redirected traffic. We knocked on doors and said things like, âAlright, thatâs enough of Uranus for one night,â and somehow, people listened.
We werenât heroes. We were maintenance. We kept Uranus as clean as we were allowed.
People talk about the good old days like they want to go back. Trust me, they donât. The good old daysâŚyou got punched in Uranus first, laughed later, and no one never cleaned up after themselves.
What people really miss is this, when Uranus learned how to handle its own mess, when chaos turned into character, when back alleys became stories instead of problems.
Thatâs what the Back Alley Patrol did. We didnât make Uranus famous. We made it functional.
So when someone leans back, smiles, and says, âAhhh, the good old days,â I just nod.
Because I was there.
And believe me, Uranus is tighter now than itâs ever been.
