04/01/2024
I am so ashamed of myself.
I'm so embarrassed.
I am so sorry for all the cringe I've caused all of you these last 16 months. I certainly haven't been myself.
Normally I could and always have been able to handle quite a bit.
I have been able to operate under extreme amounts of pressure or crisis with a calm and cool level head.
broken neck last practice before our opening game of my senior season playing high school football ?
I'll Play the rest of the year with it and win the "Best Defense" team award.
Flight deck of your aircraft carrier burst into flames ?
I won't hesitate to charge the flames with a stretcher to get you if necessary because I'll be right there in the front.
Epileptic seizure while driving your car in front of me and
you vere off into a telephone pole and you car burst into flames ?
I'll be the first to pull over and sn**ch you out of there before your burned alive AND stick my fingers down your throat to pull your tongue out so you can at least breathe until EMS gets there.
Trying to raise five children and need a father, husband, and provider to take of everything so you never have to worry ?
I'm there even tho i'm scared sh*tless but I'll never tell you that
Need a soccer coach with balls big enough to change formations and tactics in the middle of multiple state championship games and you're getting your asses kicked and everyone's looking to you to come up with something and your players and fellow coaches believe in you enough to execute and you wind up with 4 state titles ? I'm your guy
Have a fatal asthma attack and die in my arms ?
I will not quit doing CPR to bring you back to me until you actually do.
Have a second one three years later and I won't let go then either while telling death who is actually standing next to us,
to go f**k himself because he's not taking you tonight.
When the pressure is on,
When there's chaos all around you, and even when it's life or death, I've always been able to remain calm, clearly think.
and make the right decisions.
So, I sincerely apologize to everyone Who has had to watch me not be able to handle "shattered" and "betrayed" at the same time very well at all.
unfortunately God did not bless me with that kind of strength.
For once I actually needed someone to lean on......but there just was no one there....and I failed.
Matter of fact I failed miserably, publicly, and on every level.
I'm Sorry my children had to see that as well.
I'm sorry my mother had to see that and be helpless to do anything To fix it even though she wanted to and tried.
I have also apologized to Joy privately and I do so here again here publicly.
She is still the mother of my children and social media is forever.
I can't make anyone unsee any of that, but I can make sure it's never seen again.
i've been trying to find the right words here all day because it's Easter. Jesus was willing to give his life for all of us fools and for our sins.
Today we celebrate Easter and the power of forgiveness.
I Refuse to go to my grave with hate in my heart for anyone.
i have always forgiven those have hurt me or wronged me.
Always.
I asked you all for your forgiveness for my trespasses as I forgive everyone who has trespassed upon me.
today Jesus is risen from the dead. Today I begin to try to rise today from the pit of darkness I have lived in for months now.
I am truly ashamed of myself.
I should've been stronger.
Happy Easter to all.
