03/30/2026
Hey all,
I just want to say thank you for all the loving & heartfelt comments many of you made upon seeing the photos & mom's memorial-movie I posted yesterday… to those who know me well, this was odd behavior, and a cause of great concern for some, because I am not a frequent social media sharer, and I take my privacy, especially when it comes to personal information, photos and such, very seriously.
That being said, I’ve had a rough few days to say the least, I was longing for and needing my mother, and that was the closest I could muster while urning for her guidance & counseling.
Once my obligations to the police & business responsibilities for the day were fulfilled, I also desperately needed to blow off some steam, and I did not want to talk about anything or to anyone about the underlying reasons.
It’s hard for me to go anywhere in town, Lake & McHenry counties if I'm totally honest, without someone recognizing me… and please don’t misunderstand, that’s not meant to come off as arrogant, or bragging, etc. - it’s just a part of my world these days that is both a blessing and a curse.
When I lived in LA, I could go out and have the kind of night that would make Hunter S. Thompson blush, and the next day nobody was talking about it or cared… here, if I get a hair cut, or pass gas too loudly, for some reason it seems to be front page news.
Those close to me are also well aware of my fondness, my entire family’s fondness really, including mom, for gambling… poker, slots, betting on the ponies, you name it, in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so filled with joy (in my adult years anyway) as she was on the day Steph & I took her to The Kentucky Derby for Mother’s Day.
We used to often joke, “the family that gambles together, stays together.” Well, in need of a distraction, and hoping to stay anonymous, I decided to avoid all the usual or closer options, and headed all the way out to River’s Casino, believing at the time that I had never been there before, and hoped it was far enough away that I was less likely to run into people, etc.
Everything was going according to plan, until I was lucky enough to hit a rather large jackpot, whereby the machine locks up, and the techs bring you the cash, so Uncle Sam gets his cut.
When they asked for my players card, I said I didn’t have one, so they just took my ID while I waited, and soon the casino host returned with a check and players card telling me that I was already in the system. It was Gold Member Level, I asked if they were affiliated with Caesar’s or any of the big boys as a parent company, and he replied, “No, River’s is independent.”
I found this news mildly disturbing, because even now as I’m typing this, I have no memory of ever being there, let alone racking up the amount of points it takes to reach that tier, but that’s a topic of concern & discussion for another day.
He asked if there was anything else he could do, and without going into the reasons why, I said, “Well, I haven’t slept much these last few days, or consumed anything that didn’t have alcohol in it, so I probably shouldn’t get back behind the wheel before catching some Zs.”
He promptly set up a comped meal at one of their restaurants & lodging arrangements at the Hilton next door.
This may be the first time that my proclivity for gambling, I won’t go so far as to call it an addiction, saved lives… or at the very least, my own. I know this because I woke up at The Hilton around 2AM, but total recall of how I arrived was a bit fuzzy.
I was still in my clothes right down to my boots, with leftover containers from the restaurant that never made into the fridge. There was a check in my pocket with all my winnings, and a text exchange on my iPhone with Diondre, the casino host.
When I got to the lobby, I discovered my truck was in the loading zone with the hazard lights still flashing… I’m sure I said I’d be right back to move it after checking in, then passed out.
I was shocked it hadn’t been towed, or at the very least my room wasn't flooded with calls to move it as I slept off the booze.
Not one of my shining moments in life, and some of you are probably wondering, “Why is he telling this to everyone?”
Well, right now I think honesty, no matter how brutal or embarrassing it may be is the best policy - to both myself and those around me - because upon my return home this morning, something happened that brought everything into perspective.
As I approached my front door, I noticed that someone had attached a hand written note to it, and assuming the worst, all I could think was, “Great, now what?”
I was expecting it to be yet another catastrophe, in a series of catastrophes, that seem to be consuming my life of late… but then to my shock & awe, the note reads verbatim (minus the omission of his contact information) as follows:
“Hi, my nam is Gene Steinman, I live in Round Lake Beach, and I’m a retired teacher / veteran & pro-photographer. I would be honored to be able to photograph your eagles this year. I have done so by the street, but would love a worm’s eye view of both coupes. If I could photograph from your property, I would be blessed and honored. I can pay you a small amount if you need. I just want to get great photos, and I would share with you also. Thank you so much, I will not harass the birds, as I respect nature. Thanks again, Gene Steinman.”
I’ve never met Mr. Steinman, he's not aware of this post yet, or even that I read his note. I’m going to call him sometime this week, and unless if something changes my mind when we speak / meet in person, I wanted share his touching note, and state publicly that I am granting him unfettered access to my estate, free of charge, to photograph the wildlife, on two conditions.
1) he does not harm or destroy anything on the property, be it animal, plant, or man-made, and 2) that I receive a copy of every photo taken, with permission to edit & retouch at my discretion, to be used in perpetuity, world-wide and throughout the universe, in the feature documentary I am producing chronicling the life of Carol Elizabeth Burgess in, that i currently titled: FOOTPRINTS: The Legacy of Bunny Joey, as well as any promotional marketing & advertising materials, which specifically includes the internet, as websites for Principle Preservation, Inc. - www.principlepreseravtion.com - and the d.b.a. url - www.tcbmws.org - "The Carol Burgess Memorial Wildlife Sanctuaries,” are being constructed & maintained to promote and raise funds for mom's newly formed nature foundation.
I don’t know yet, if the arrival of his note is coincidental, or a direct result of me posting photos of mom, and sharing the 13 minute memorial-movie I slapped together under the worst conditions of my life in terms of time-crunch, record breaking snow storms, and my emotional state at the time.
I never intended for anyone other than the people at the memorial service who saw it on the big screen that day to lay eyes on it, deciding / preferring to wait, and only post a fully polished and completed feature length documentary.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not embarrassed by the video, or I wouldn’t have shone & shared it, but all I see are compromises and the stuff that’s missing, etc. and when I hit an all time low these past few days, in-between weeping & fits of rage, I needed my mom, my business partner, my rock, so I shared some photos & vids never seen before, even by her closest friends & family, as I prepare to share them and her life story with the whole world.
And after reading some of the comments posted, as well as this final “cherry on top,” that is Mr. Steinman’s note, I’m glad I did.
So many people yesterday, some that knew mom personally, and more that didn’t sent me messages that it brought them to tears of both joy & sadness.
It’s rare, but every so often, something positive can be born from the worst moments in your life, and seeing the online impact that this little 13 minute video had on an entire community yesterday, has filled me with hope & encouragement about the kind of impact her feature length documentary could have globally.
And now, Mr. Steinman’s professional nature photography may help me turn that goal into a reality.
Lastly, I want to thank those who reached out with concern about me yesterday, and apologize to anyone I may have offended.
I repeatedly told people that I was “fine,” well I’m not fine, in fact, I’m about as far away from fine as one can possibly be… I’ve been putting on the best face I can for the people around me, and an event that I’m not going to discuss here, was the straw that broke the camel’s back so-to-speak, that was yesterday's catalyst.
A few people lectured me online about the “tone” of my post, thinking that it had to do with volleyball... I could give two-sh*ts about volleyball right now, but wasn’t in the mood to explain myself, so I promptly told them where to go, and then banned them from all my current and future businesses - I’m rescinding those and offering my sincerest apologies for the exchange.
I’m going to conclude this post with a heartfelt thank you to Mr. Steinaman. I’m so rarely surprised by the abhorrent behavior of human beings these days, and even more-so of the admirable kind, the former because it’s so ubiquitous in today’s society, with the latter being that it has sadly become so uncommon.
Since mom’s passing, and making the decision to expand the 13 minute memorial-movie into a feature about how mom’s namesake not-for-profit company “came to be,” I have been randomly taking pics & vids to use in the documentary.
I’ve attached two short clips as examples that so far only close friends & family have seen. The first was taken a week after mom’s memorial, the morning after the second “record-breaking” snow storm of an eagle soaring over the estate before any tracks or melting ruined what looks like a fairytale winter-wonderland.
The second, I took last week, during the annual pelican migration… if Mr. Steinman's photos are as professional as he claims, I’ll now have a second set of professional eyes helping me to capture these kind of moments for momma’s life story.
His gesture, skills as a wildlife-photographer (I hope), and shared love of nature in general, is an unparalleled example of the kind of action that breaks through all the chaos, and even if it's just for a moment, provide us with the gift of clarity.
Hopefully I will find enough of them throughout this process to guide me to back to my center.
Peace & love to all…
Johnny
