01/23/2025
This story is dedicated to the "believers"....
Soul food and tablecloths...
Small reminders to celebrate life jump out from the strangest of places. Sometimes it's a familiar sound or a smell that catapults the mind into remembrance. It could be recognition of a particular color, a pattern, a picture. Could be a phrase... We are continually gifted those things as we go about our days...
The grazing tables started waaaay before Granny and I met. Back when I was trying to perfect the right comfort foods for certain occasions, and to do it on trappers wages to boot. I might have fallen short a time or two, when ole mother Hubbard's cupboards lacked a missing ingredient. I never substituted with a marmot or rabbit that was plentiful in my freezer, although I'm sure some people wondered. I didn't give up, instead I adapted and adopted the "Everything you need is right in front of you" way of cooking. I replaced missing ingredients by whipping more love and compassion into the mix while carefully folding in prayer. Who knew?! It worked every time! Well, I can't speak for everyone, however, I always had a belly full of goodness with room for dessert.
Dad often teased me about my crazed "Redneck philanthropy..." (that's what he called it) until he joined me on the trapline. Then he understood wholly... It wasn't about bumping fleas off everything that moved. Sometimes philanthropy meant watching a paycheck run away. Charity isn't always about giving, is it? Much of the time it's simply about "not taking." So many instances of "nuisance wildlife mitigation" were attributed to a homeowner who unknowingly set a critter up to fail. And for 20+ years much of my time was spent making sure that only the naughty critters got the "pew...pew"... I could have shown up with guns a blazing, and left with a carcass or two and paycheck in hand. But many times I chose charity....to my own detriment. However, I slept soundly knowing I had tried to leave everyone better off than I had found them.
Sure, it would have been nice having all that extra money, but I've done just fine with what I've had. I've always had an abundance of everything that I needed... that is... up until little Ashley.
One of my "philanthropic" endeavors was helping the folks in our community pay for funeral expenses as well as providing the fellowship meal that finalized a Celebration of Life. Whatever the family needed, I tried my best to alleviate any of those sorrowful tasks. I wasn't alone in this endeavor, often enlisting my friends to help when and where they could. The most difficult of funeral tasks was trying to cook and feed scores of people who came to say their "goodbyes". It was hard on the wallet, and thus, the invention of Grazing Tables! I could stretch my budget twice as far and create "soul food" that was beautiful and comforting at the same time. And I realized that it allowed for much more interaction between people as grazing created a mingling atmosphere.
Folks would reach out for help when a loved one would die, usually unexpectedly, and I'd get to work planning. I averaged at least 25 funerals a year... I was busy, considering that a year = 52 weeks. And somehow, I always had plenty of time and exactly what I needed to succeed.
I wrote earlier about things that jar a memory... well, this time it was a pattern. Paisley... I perused the aisles of a thrift shop, looking for a picture whose frame I could repurpose for Granny's Roll Call Wall. I was mumbling to myself over the cost of a coat and a vest. Reiterating to my own self the reason for having started the Free-Store in my home town. $50 for a coat in a thrift store?! $30 for a vest?? I dealt with poverty almost every day in my travels. The people who could benefit most from down filled and name brand coats were those without a home, or those who worked outside in the elements trying to provide for their families. Cheap poly filled coats did little to keep them warm. Unfortunately folks, some charitable organizations think "larger than life" itself and I'll never understand this thinking. If there is one donation that should never be overpriced, it should be clothing of any sort. Clothing is an absolute human need. Especially coats and boots in winter. Charitable money is meaningless, folks, if it means your "Charity" is going to use donated goods to essentially take (by way of overpricing) from those who could use the donations - SO, in return you have MORE to give back to those who need it or to have more money to support your charity??? It makes no sense-and yet, it's happened time and time again... $50...$30...
If only thrift charities understood that good will should work as the middle man, to assure that donations flow freely through their hands in a way that can benefit everyone. I'm speaking from experience, I've been a middleman. The beneficiaries of the goodness bestowed paid nothing but gratitude, for donated kindness, some even volunteered their time, wanting to give back.
The tablecloth caught my attention, yanking me out of my inner rant. Memories... "Little Ashley".... an 8 year old little girl who I met at a funeral home. I'd been asked by a family whom I had helped through a recent loss, to also help this little girls family. They were Hispanic and dad had to return to Mexico to deal with a hitch in his Visa. Mom, grandma and Ashley's 3 younger siblings were left to fend for themselves while dad was away. The beautiful little angel had a seizure during the night and had died in her sleep. The family had nothing... and neither did I. But, I'm here to tell you- I had everything I needed and then some,(although I had my doubts.) I had my life. And if your reading this, so do you and that's something to be thankful for.
Ashley was taken to a funeral home that I hadn't worked with until that time. The owner was brand new... and also a heavy drinker which really complicated the process. He was a great enbalmer but had zero people skills.
I met with the family and began putting things in place..... arranging to get Dad home, meeting with the funeral home to make plans. I rallied my friends and we pulled enough money together to purchase a plane ticket for dad, and got permission for him to re-enter (on the short term anyway.)
She was such a tiny little girl...little Ashley... but her absence in her families life was immense. Mom and grandma were simply unable to do anything other than cry. They weren't expecting death to come knocking. They were barely scraping by on mom's meager dishwasher wages. And to further complicate matters, this new funeral director didn't have the means to spot me a casket that I could pay off in payments... I prayed and prayed trying to figure out what I could do. I was discussing, in broken spanglish, with grandma where they would like the service to be held. They were devout Catholics and asked if I could arrange the church. The church!!! The answer to my prayers!!! Surely they could provide the money for a casket to bury this beatiful child of God! Our Catholic Church was huge. So, I petitioned the church on behalf of the family....and... I was given a pine box.
On a scale of all time lows, this was a heavy one. I looked at this adult size pine box and then at the tiny little girl in the freezer and my heart broke in two... "How cold could the church be?!" I thought to myself. All that money and this is what they'll give? I sucked it up and went to share the news with mom and grandma. Their wails made me ache even more. She was given a pauper's casket... Grandma's lifetime of tithing and servitude... and when it came down to it, that's the best they could do... heartbreaking.
I left the family and went home to hug my own little girl. She asked me why I was sad and I explained the pine box and how sad I was that we couldn't afford a coffin to lay sweet Ashley to rest in. She disappeared, only to reappear with her piggy bank. "Will this help, mom?" she asked. It helped more than she knew. I had everything I needed in that moment... I had my daughter alive and in front of me with a reminder as well.
Sara's piggybank reminded me that I had a piggybank full of discarded change in my closet too. We couldn't afford a casket, but we could afford to make that pine box into a casket fitting for a Disney princess (which is how her younger siblings described her). We hit the Coinstar with all of our change and got shopping for fabric. We found the most beautiful pink paisley material with gold embellishments to use on the outside. And we found pink satin and white lace material to use on the inside. My upholstery skills were put to good use as Ashley's casket began to take shape... however, I didn't have enough money left over after buying the material and a Princess dress to buy the batting that I needed to pad her little princess bed. Remember what I said about charities that think "larger than life"... they do, even in death... I approached a "charity" organization for help, but the hoarder that ran it refused to come down on the price of their pillows... so, I used my own, along with my mattress pad for extra cushion, and button tucked every inch, then took the silver cross off my wall and attached it to the lid.
The casket turned out beautifully, however, the tiny little girl looked so out of place, with 3 feet of empty space at her feet. I enlisted her siblings to give me things to send up to heaven with their sissy. We filled all the empty space with her stuffed animals and dolls and priceless crayon art and a Bible. Their big sissy was so beatiful in her new princess gown tucked safely and snuggly into her new princess bed... And the hugs I received from those little people spoke of their approval. Little Ashley wasn't buried a pauper... she was laid to rest in a princess kingdom. I think of them often and pray that all of their little Prince and Princess dreams have come true.
The table cloth and it's paisley pattern... the memories of soul food and all of it's goodness bring an indescribable contentment to heart... and in a round about way... If you're reading this, I've invited you to gather 'round the table with me today. Why? So that, through Ashley's story I can once again, reassure you, that no matter what it is that you might be going through in this life, you truly have everything that you need to conquer. Everything is and always will be found, in the presence of each other. This is only one of many stories I could tell to help resonate that as fact.
I'm grateful today for the paisley "remembrance," to celebrate life's grazing tables with friends... feasting on the abundant goodness that fuels the spirit and warms the soul. Cheers!
