First & Last Chance Tavern

10/09/2026

Of Coors! See you at the tavern — it’s flip Friday, the fryer is on, the b**r is cold and the construction is over. Come see Tory until who knows when tonight. 🍻

09/30/2026

🤣💀 thanks for the piece, Ellensburg & Kittitas County - Satire Division. THE EXPANSION OF OUR DREAMS!

FIRST & LAST CHANCE TAVERN EXPANSION TO INCLUDE EQUINE PARKING, INDOOR DIRTBIKE LANE

ELLENSBURG —

Construction beside the First & Last Chance Tavern has prompted speculation that the beloved establishment is preparing for its next stage of growth: accommodating customers who arrive with their entire transportation system.

In our entirely fictional expansion proposal, the F&L will become Ellensburg’s first tavern with separate entrances for pedestrians, horses, and two-stroke engines.

“We’ve had a horse in the bar. We’ve had a dirtbike in the bar,” explained an imaginary project spokesperson. “At some point, you have to stop calling these isolated incidents and start planning infrastructure.”

The ambitious development includes a hitching rail, a designated burnout vestibule, and a bartender-operated traffic signal.

Green means enter.

Yellow means the bartender saw you.

Red means whatever you’re riding needs to remain outside until someone explains it.

The compact loader pictured beside the tavern has already been mistaken for a patron three times.

“It’s parked crooked and hasn’t moved in a while,” said one fictional regular. “I figured it was waiting for its buddy.”

Architectural drawings reportedly feature a spacious new wing called The Additional Chance, intended for customers who exhausted both the first and last options but still have somebody coming to pick them up.

A proposed rooftop lounge was removed from the plans after reviewers determined that someone would eventually try to get a horse up there.

The existing benches will remain central to the design.

“You can build all the fancy seating you want,” the spokesperson said. “Somebody’s still going to sit on that bench and explain how they would’ve done the construction.”

The tree beside the work area has been appointed to the expansion committee after providing shade for years without once requesting a drink ticket.

Meanwhile, Big Cedar, Editor-in-Chief of the Satire Division, has asked whether the new doors will accommodate “a normal-sized journalist.”

Contractors have requested clarification on “normal.”

No completion date has been established for our fictional project, though local observers expect it to be finished shortly after the guy watching from the bench says, “Should’ve been done by now.”

First & Last Chance: now accepting transportation previously considered an outside activity.

Satire inspired by the pictured construction. These expansion plans and attributed quotes are fictional.

09/30/2026

09/30/2026

The city is doing some utility work in front of the tavern this week so you’ll see a ton of orange cones and equipment but we are still OPEN! Come on in for a cold one!

09/20/2026

First FNL sports card of the NFL football season! Come on in for $3.50 b**rs and $4.50 seltzers during the Seahawks game.

Kick off is at 1:25 PM! 🏈🏟️🍻

09/08/2026

♥️♥️♥️

An unforgettable Labor Day Weekend in the books!

09/08/2026

Happy Labor Day, a beautiful sunset to end the best weekend of the year!

09/03/2026

New FNL hats just dropped!

Our iconic FNL Tavern sign, on a hat 🤠🍻

Embroidered Richardson’s — $35 each and available in LIMITED quantities.

Grab yours at the tavern before they’re gone. 🍺

09/03/2026

We’ve been following Random Dive Bars & Pubs for a few years now, so being featured by them is pretty damn cool.

We’re honored to be included alongside the real-deal dives and watering holes all over the world that have kept the lights on for generations.

We’re also pretty damn honored they asked us to be their SECOND DROP for the Dive Bar Merch Club, where every month they team up with a bar they love to create a one-of-a-kind shirt collab.

Pretty proud to see the FNL on one of their shirts!

Thanks for the nod, Random Bars and Pubs! 🍺