09/10/2026
Mark Cooper adds a bit of humor to his latest article. You'll find yourself smiling along the way. Find more stories by Rainy Day Writers on Your Radio Place and in Guernsey News.
Grocery Store Humor and a Church Warning by Mark Cooper
Humor is readily available, we just need to keep our eyes open to find reasons to smile, giggle, and snicker. It’s also helpful to have an off-beat, slightly questionable, sense of humor.
I’m at the grocery store’s meat counter. There’s no missing the massive poster depicting a juicy, perfectly grilled hamburger with a circumference of three feet. At the bottom, a little asterisk is followed by the words, “Not actual size.”
I can just picture the graphic designers meeting to design that poster. They are excited with the juicy image they’ve designed to promote the store’s fresh meats.
Then the legal department knocks on the door. “Hey fellows, you can’t show our hamburger being so big. Customers will accuse us of false advertising when they see our hamburgers are no bigger than what they can buy for a lot less money at that ‘big store’ a couple miles away. They might even sue us!”
Much moaning and groaning ensues until the one person in the room who has common sense speaks up, “Can’t we just tell the customers that the hamburger on our poster is ‘Not actual size!’”
Problem solved for them. And a chuckle prompted in me. That’s a win for all involved.
Sometimes grocery stores force us to reflect on the seriousness of life. In a display, cheerful, red tomatoes are advertised as being “Tomatoes raised right.”
In these dark and challenging times, isn’t it encouraging, even inspiring, to know there are those who still committed to raising their tomatoes the right way? What can be worse than encountering a tomato that has had a bad upbringing.
Doubtlessly that has been the fault behind many a rotten tomato.
Speaking of encouragement in dark times, churches portray themselves as harbingers of light, don’t they? So, shouldn’t we give serious contemplation to the messages on their signs?
I pull up to a stop light and spy the marquee in front of an old and majestic church edifice. (I think it prudent to not reveal the denomination.) The marquee makes an announcement, or is it actually warning,
Sunday Worship 11 AM – Be Very Careful’-Guest Speaker
I have no idea who the guest speaker is or why those attending need to be careful of him (or her). But I’m heeding the warning, you won’t find me there at 11 AM this Sunday.
Back to another grocery store tale. I’m doing my weekly shopping, pushing my cart through Aisle 8. Overhead is the sign listing the products I’ll find on its shelves, “Dog Food, Cat Food, Bird Food, Canning Supplies.”
Wait just a minute; Dog Food, Cat Food, Bird Food, Canning Supplies? Does the close proximity of these goods to each other strike you as humorous? Or maybe deeply disturbing? Is this retailer hinting that if we buy their pet food, our pets will fatten up so much we’ll eventually be tempted to purchase the store’s canning supplies?? That’s dark!
Oh yes, (and this is not a joke), there are two live birds roosting on top of that sign. I quickly duck and leave Aisle 8, thankful that I have no need of pet food or canning supplies.
I can’t think of a graceful way to close this brief revelation of questionable humor. So instead, here is a salient quote from our most elusive local citizen, “Believe in yourself when no one else does.” – Bigfoot
Or, reworded for my purposes, “Laugh at your own humor, because no one else is laughing with you.”
