Crab and lobster tap

22/09/2026

Has anyone ever heard of TAILOR SWIFT.
The exciting bit is that I sent her a message inviting her to play at The Crab on Sunday. I thought she would be available with it being the end of someone called VERA?

ANYWAYS. SHE TURNED ME DOWN. I THINK SHE THOUGHT I WAS A PAIR OF TROUSERS.

So who is playing live at The Crab this Sunday?

We have captured the services of our own local band. Ladies and gentlemen.

SUNDAY. 7.00PM
FREE ADMISSION
AT THE CRAB

WHATEVvA

They will be dancing at The Crab.

20/09/2026

A gentle reminder.

I'm afraid that our SUNDAY ROAST has sold out.

But, how exciting:- you are able to book next week on 852311.

7.00pm. 7.00pm
TONIGHT. TONIGHT
GARY AND LAURA.
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.

ALL AT THE CRAB.

19/09/2026

The CRAB Privacy Policy

I often get asked whether we have rules about gossip within the 4 walls of the Crab. Here they are:

1: If one is prone to a good old gossip; please ensure that the person you are gossiping about is not within hearing distance.
2: If you hear a really juicy bit of gossip, please ensure that you tell a lady customer as soon as possible. This is also part of our equal opportunities policy.
3: Please remember that you might inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. So we are quite adamant that gossip stays within the Crab. What is heard in the Crab stays in the Crab

GARY AND LAURA. SUNDAY
7.O0PM. 7.00PM. 7.00PM.

ALSO KNOWN AS THE OLD GUITARIST SND THE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY.

SUNDAY ROAST QUITE BUSY. PHONE FIRST.

SEE YOU SOON. DAVID

10/09/2026

My wife and grandson are always on my mind.

Music. We don't get too carried away with music. Sunday's are a day of reflection. A day when one can close ones eyes and listen to the dreamy BEN STUBBS. IN THE CLEARING STANDS A BOXER.

BEN STUBBS. 7.00PM. SUNDAY.

The Crab customers know what we are about.
We aim for consistency by serving GOOD honest food by good honest people.
We don't close one day and open the next! For example, did you know that The Crab has offered a SUNDAY ROAST every Sunday for 13.5 years. (Doesn't include 4 Christmas days.)

Who remembers when we only charged £3.50 per Roast? But did you know we only charge £10.00 for a roast as we speak.

Did you know, that I can go to the farm and ask details with regard the history of the beef. On Sunday, we will be serving all the veg, YORKIES, stuffing and gravy. The beef was from a very friendly cow who was named Daisy.

This week, we can proudly boast, is our 700th anniversary offering Sunday Roast meals. How can that be I hear you ask.

I was asked by what name did I go by with all my customers. As a matter of fact, I am indeed known in The Crab as HONEST DAVE.

Please forward any complaints about this post to Dianne.

09/09/2026

Last Sunday was a very pleasant evening at The Crab.

I had feared that TELJIM might bring their normal following:- drug abuse. Alcohol abuse and general antics associated with rock and roll.

Next Sunday we have Lord Ben Stubbs. Ben will commence his guitar and vocal skills around 7.00pm.

Sunday Roast is served from noon to 5pm. Booking is cool. Walk-ins most acceptable. Warning:- we can get quite busy!

HOW MUCH IS OUR SUNDAY ROAST?

£10.00.. cash, cheque or IOU.

SEE YOU SOON. David

05/09/2026

Hello followers of The Crab. I have been advised that I have in excess of 2900 followers. To be more accurate that could be 2900 stalkers.

SUNDAY ROAST. THE CRAB JUST LOVE TO OFFER GREAT VALUE FOR MONEY. SUNDAY ROAST. CHOICE OF 5 MEATS. NUT ROAST. FRESH VEG.
PHONE 852311. ORDER YOURS NOW. £10.00. THAT'S RIGHT. £10.00.
SERVED NOON TO 5.00PM.
TY
SUNDAY LIVE MUSIC. WE ARE PROUD TO HOST THE PROFESSIONAL DUO THAT ARE:
TELJIM. 7.00PM. LOVELY SONGS. PERSONALITY GALORE. BESUTIFUL MUSIC.
FREE ADMISSION. SUNDAY. 7.00PM

See you there or be a circle.

04/09/2026

My friend has a birthday today. Every year, he has his birthday a couple of weeks before me.
I'm asked, "what present did you buy him"? Nothing. He never buys me anything.
Have the best day Dunks.
Lots of cricket, football, drinking to remember.

X

31/08/2026

31/08/2026

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

THE CRAB CUSTOMERS WERE ASKED TO GIVE THEIR OPINIONS AS TO WHAT DAVE THE LANDLORDS STRENGTH'S WERE IN THE HOSPITALITY SECTOR. BELOW ARE JUST A FEW SUGGESTIONS THAT WERE WRITTEN DOWN.

ANDY THE HAT: BRILLIANT MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
WING COMMANDER: GENIUS BEHIND THE BAR.
JASMINE. VERY SEXY MAN.
OLD GRAHAM FROM LEEDS: SURVEY PAPER SOILED.

IM SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO FREQUENT THE CRAB DO SO WITH STARS IN THEIR EYES.

TONIGHT. 7.00PM. THE BAND THAT IS
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER.
TASH WHO DIDPLAYS HER OWN FANCY FEATHERS WITH SN ABUNDANCE OF THEATRICAL CHARM
TONIGHT AT THE CRAB.

30/08/2026

People from all walks of life have their heroes. We all idolise a friend; maybe a family member.

Some of us love a person because they used to be centre forward for Arsenal.

So I hear you ask. What is so special about the man in the photograph.

Nothing really, but no man in Ventnor drinks so much red w**e that it has to be served by way of a hose pipe. The hose pipe ban is hurting Warwick.

That's right Warwick. At The Crab, you now have to be served red w**e by the Glass.

TONIGHT. 7.00PM. SEAN GOODFIELD. A TOUCH OF CLASS.

TOMORROW
BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY. 7.00PM

WE HAVE TASH. WE HAVE GEZ.
COLLECTIVELY KNOWN AS
THE DIAMONDS OF THE ISLAND.

FREE ADMISSION. THE LANDLORDS FAVOURITE.