14/03/2026
Yes — the “Guinness Grenade” is definitely a real thing 😂🍺
💣 THE GUINNESS GR***DE 💣
I’ve had a shift that would make a saint take up smoking. My knees are creaking like the cellar hatch, and my patience is thinner than the head on a cheap, American lager. 🚬
Then, right on cue, in wanders:
The Afterthought Artist. 🚶🏼♂️
He stands there with that glazed look in his eyes, watching me like I’m performing a miracle. 🪄✨
I spend five minutes dodging the gin-botanical-buffet, pouring three G&Ts (all with different gins, different tonics and *absolutely* a different garnish), two pints of IPA, a large Malbec, and a lime and soda (for someone who clearly hates themselves). 🍸🍺🍷
I’ve got the order lined up in front of him.
I’ve even wiped down the back bar.
I’ve reached that brief, beautiful moment of closure.
I look him in the eye and say: “Is that everything?”
And then he does it.
He drops the bomb. 💣
He performs the signature move of: The Afterthought Artist…
He waits until the very last second to utter the three words that make me want to hand in my personal licence and move to a monastery! ⛪️
💥 "And a Guinness.” 🤯
I stare at him. 😒
The queue stares at him. 😒
Even the dog in the corner looks disappointed. 🐩
Listen up…
👉 A Guinness is not an "oh, by the way."
👉 It is a two-part commitment.
👉 It requires gravity, patience, and a Landlord who isn't currently calculating how much bail money he has tucked in the till.
👉 By the time I’ve poured the first stage and let it settle - which is roughly the same amount of time as a tectonic plate shift - your fancy G&Ts have gone flat, the ice has melted into a puddle of sadness, and the head on the IPA has vanished like your common sense. 🫠
👉 If you want the black stuff, you lead with it.
👉 It’s the opening act.
👉 It’s the foundation.
👉 You don’t wait until I’ve finished a marathon of pouring to mention the one drink that requires a three-minute intermission. 🎬
If I hear "And a Guinness" at the end of a ten-drink round one more time this week, I’m serving it to you in a baby bottle. 🍼
Lead with the stout, or stay at home and drink lukewarm milk. 🏠
Now, move aside. I’ve got a pint to watch settle and a grudge to nurse.
What do you think? 👇👇👇
Am I over-reacting? 😅 Is there something that pi**es you off even more? Tell me in the comments!