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Wednesday 4pm - 11pm Thursday 4pm - 11pm Friday 4pm - 11pm Saturday 1pm - 11pm Sunday 1pm - 6pm

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The Cracking Pint Stalybridge

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The Cracking Pint Stalybridge

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Hello! Welcome to the Cracking Pint, a mirco-pub on Melbourne Street, Stalybridge!

23/10/2026

Afternoon all, hope you're all floating along with mucho gusto. Perhaps you're all sheltering from the ferocious winds of late, and you'd be forgiven for believing it's merely a product of inclement weather, but don your tinfoil hats and listen closely, because it's all an elaborate government cover-up. You see, the high winds are actually caused by the monstrous wing beats of thousands of gigantic Budgies migrating over from Norway to their winter nesting site just outside Doncaster. You might well think the government is covering up the existence of aliens, lizard people etc, but nope: Giant. Budgies.

Anyway, b**r!

Millstone- Tiger Rut (hoppy pale, 4%)

Ossett- Trip Hop #10 (triple hopped pale, 4%)

Phoenix- Boss Man's Brew (light best bitter, 3.8 %)

We hope to see you this weekend, and you may well be thinking: "Oi, if there's actually giant storm-causing Budgies heading to Britain every autumn, how come we ain't seen 'em?" Simple: The government waits until the fireworks on bonfire night and shoots 'em down with lasers. Great big, high powered, anti-Budgie lasers. Good job if you can get it.

Cheerio!

16/10/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and whatever is growing inside that giant, pulsating cocoon we found in the cellar. I sincerely hope you're all wriggling along with aplomb on this sunny autumn day. Just a quick post to dangle our fine selection of b**rs in front of you like some sort of booze-based human fishermen. Not to suggest you are all fish, of course. Except for Mr. Beamish, with his scaly flesh, bulging eyes and delightfully briny stench. Very fishy little bloke, him. Veeeeeeery fishy. Anyway, b**r!

Abbeydale- Deception (NZ pale, 4.1%)

Lancaster- IPA (hoppy session IPA, 4.2%)

Lancaster- Amber (amber best bitter, 3.6%)

Hope to see thus weekend, and I'll leave with a fascinating and mildly erotic fact: Did you know that the delicious golden center of a Crunchy Bar is actually made from caramelised human bone, sourced directly from the Paris catacombs? I did, and I ate the bu**ers anyway. In fact, I wouldn't eat 'em if they didn't have bones in 'em. That's how I roll, mate.

Anyway, cheerio!

25/09/2026

Hello all, hope you're all cruising along at a convenient altitude. Well, well, wellington, well, we have some splendid news on this most illustrious of Fridays: Through a combination of bribes, death threats and voodoo mind control, we have secured our place in The Good B**r Guide 2027! Huzzah!
This is especially important to us as, once again, we failed to rank in the prestigious Harry Ramsden Fish and Chip Shop of the Year awards. Damn your eyes, Harry. We will not be denied next year...

Anyway, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank CAMRA, our customers, Colonel John Santiago, the late Peter Cullen, chocolate Hobnobs, the mighty El Guapo, Griselda Gutgripe, the nameless eldritch monstrosity that slumbers beneath Stalybridge civic hall (whose dark dreams poison the hearts of men), Shirley Youcantbeserious, and of course: Little Doddy Wickers, purveyor of fine knickers. You're all truly wonderful. Anyway, here are our b**rs for the weekend:

Salopian- Oracle (citrusy and pale, 4%)

Black Edge- USAle (hoppy APA, 4.1%)

Abbeydale- Daily Bread (best bitter, 3.8%)

Hope to see you this weekend, but do remember to take care, as an outbreak of cholera could be just around the corner. You may scoff, but if you look at the statistics, we're waaaaay overdue. Just saying. Mind how you go and all that. You might be on your way to Aldi without a care in the world then suddenly BANG, big lump of cholera right in the face. Could happen, you know.

Anyway, cheerio!

11/09/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and the hundreds of tiny frogs swimming about in the vitreous of your eyeballs. Well, it's that sad time of year when the warm fertility of summer begins to fade for another year. The days grow chill, the nights stretch longer and the leaves begin to yellow, wither and shower their putresence upon the earth. Circle of life, and all that palava. So, while you're hoarding berries for the upcoming winter, why not nip in for a delicious pint? Who knows, maybe those extra calories will save you from the vicious cold.

Tatton Brewery- Blonde (citrusy blonde, 4%)

Red Willow- Weightless (fruity session IPA, 4.2%)

Salopian- Darwin's Origin (copper bitter, 4.3%)

We hope to see you this weekend, and remember: When the moors begin to turn purple, it's not the heather coming into bloom. No, it's nothing but a vast bruise upon the flesh of the world itself, probably caused by banging into some cosmic door handle while rushing to the celestial bog. So remember to do your part in the world's healing by rubbing a bit of savlon into the moors this autumn, because it probably stings like a bu**er.

Anyway, cheerio!

07/08/2026

Hello all, hope you're all galavanting along gratuitously. Now, please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been aroung for a long, long year, stolen many a man's soul and faith. This is, of course, a load of cobblers, but I do have an excellent selection of b**rs both on the stumps and in reserve that are so fiendishly good they may have been selected by the Devil himself to tempt you.

Black Edge- Pike (refreshing bitter, 4%)

Phoenix- Arizona (hoppy pale, 4.1%)

Black Edge- Calypso (smooth blonde, 4.1%)

We hope to see you this weekend, and I'll leave you with a brief animal fact straight from the mouth of David Bellamy himself: "All badgers are slags."

Cheerio!

31/07/2026

Good afternoon all, hope you're all trotting along tenaciously. Well, July is almost over and the sun is still shining, the birds are still singing, the insects are singing the air is singing the walls are singing my kidneys are singing singing singing oh God everything's singing please God make it stop MAKE IT STOP.

*ahem*

Anyway, we have a lovely b**r selection for you this weekend if you care to refresh yourself in this lovely weather. Take a look:

Millstone- Tiger Rut (pale and hoppy, 4%)

Brightside- Time Bandit (golden ale, 4.2%)

Little Critters- Little Hopper (light and refreshing, 3.6%)

We hope to see you this weekend, and as I often do, I'll leave you with an amazing fact from the animal kingdom: Did you know that Hummingbirds only break wind once in their entire life? When near death, the doomed Hummingbird will release a lifetimes worth of flatulence in a single, powerful fart so violent that it explodes the birds delicate little body in a shower of blood, iridescent feathers and eggy fumes. Records show that the Aztecs used to use dying Hummingbirds as makeshift fireworks, marveling at the cascade of colour that resulted from their final, explosive death-fart. Fascinating, no?

Cheerio!

17/07/2026

Afternoon all, hope you're all keeping cool as a cucumber, or indeed, as another vegetable of your choosing ( I recommend the onion). Well, I'm sure like me you're all nice and sick of the smoke clouds choking Tameside of late like the sulphurous belches of a particularly flatulent Dragon. Well, have no fear, for we have just the thing for these hellishly hot and smokey times: B**r! And plenty of it! Were you expecting something different? 'Cos that's kind of our thing, you know.

Lancaster- IPA (session ipa, 4.2%)

Wantsum- Nala's American Pale (hoppy APA, 4.2%)

Millstone- South of Somewhere (light and refreshing, 4.4%)

We hope to see you this weekend, but while you're out enjoying yourselves, please spare a thought for all the Werewolves made homeless by the current moor fires. The ecological effects of the blaze cannot be overstated, but so many focus on the cute little bunny wabbits and bird thingies and completely ignore the disastrous effect this loss of habitat has on the local Werewolf population. So spare a thought for these unfortunate lycanthropes and perhaps donate to your local Werewolf shelter. Every little helps in these trying times.

Anyway, cheerio!

03/07/2026

Evening all, hope you're all slithering along stupendously 'neath the sun slashed sky. Just a quick post informing you all of our b**r selection this weekend, each one chilled to perfection by our shiny new cooler which I have christened MEGATRON. This has absolutely nothing to do with any characters from preexisting TV/film franchises out there, and the very idea may well upset mighty MEGATRON. And I can do without that. Not doing without a cooler, I mean upsetting mighty MEGATRON.
Anyway, b**r!

Abbeydale: Heathen (hazy American pale, 4.1%)

Tatton: Session (fruity bitter, 3.7%)

Millstone- Tiger Rut (made with freshly squeezed tigers, 4%)

Right, hope to see you this weekend, and may I take this opportunity to say how disappointed I am with this this whole climate change business. I was hoping for something a little more absurd, like rains of sausages, feathery giants striding across the land farting out tornados, or the sky itself turning into a vast kaleidoscope as mysterious crystals form in the upper atmosphere and refract the light in a curious yet beautiful display of shifting patterns and colours. But no... it's just getting hotter and the trains are more knackered than usual. Bah, I say!

Anyway, cheerio!

27/06/2026

Evening all, hope you're all keeping cool and contorted. Anyway, good news! We have a new cooler and will be open as usual tomorrow (Sun 28th). So unless something catastrophic happens, such as an earthquake, a rain of eyeballs or a really big beetle with a gun, we should be good to go.

So, hope to see you tomorrow, just in time for us to close on Monday and Tuesday. Huzzah!

26/06/2026

Evening all, hope you haven't all melted into your component molecules in the heat. Just a quick note to say that our cooler has died and unfortunately we are having to close for the evening and possibly for the weekend until we can get it fixed.

Sorry for the inconvenience, and please join us in raising a glass to our deceased cooler, who gave so much and asked for so little. May your spirit chill the b**rs in the Halls of Valhalla.

We'll keep you posted, but for now, please accept our apologies and enjoy your evening. Cheerio.

Address

41 Melbourne Street
Stalybridge
SK152JJ

Opening Hours

Wednesday	4pm - 11pm
Thursday	4pm - 11pm
Friday	4pm - 11pm
Saturday	1pm - 11pm
Sunday	1pm - 6pm

Website

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