The Cracking Pint Stalybridge

The Cracking Pint Stalybridge Hello! Welcome to the Cracking Pint, a mirco-pub on Melbourne Street, Stalybridge!

24/05/2026

Hello all. An unusual card has been found near our place on Melbourne Street. Unfortunately it doesn't have a name on it, but it calls itself an EML Commercial Prepaid card. Only thing on the back reads "unable to sign".

Anyway, whatever it is, we'll hold onto it for a period up to and including one week before it's fed to the accused Pain Dragon.

Cheerio.

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and those tiny, black and white spiders that scurry about the outside of your house whe...
22/05/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and those tiny, black and white spiders that scurry about the outside of your house when it's warm. Just a quick post informing you of our beer selection this weekend, guaranteed to contain
absolutely no micro-plastics, but plenty of micro-asbestos and even micro-onions. Swings and roundabouts, innit?

Kirkstall- Three Swords (crisp and refreshing, 4.5%)

Black Edge- Spring (hoppy pale, 4.2%)

Red Willow- Feckless (best bitter, 4.1 %)

Well, we hope to see you this weekend, and during this warm weather, do try to look after your intestines. Take them out once a week, give them a good wash out with dettol and warm water, and hang them out to air for an afternoon (a quick spray of fabreeze always helps) before coiling them up and swallowing them again. Remember: Clean guts, clean mind.

Cheerio!

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and assorted ogres. Hope you are keeping well and that your molecular cohesion remains ...
15/05/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and assorted ogres. Hope you are keeping well and that your molecular cohesion remains nice and solid. Wouldn't want you dissolving into a puddle of organic sludge, would we? Anyway, just a quick post to inform you of our beer selection for this weekend, all of which are not only delicious but also completely and utterly normal. Yup, no haunted beers, no barrels rescued from the lair of a dragon, no beers milked from the teats of a giant bat...

Actually, that sounds a bit dull. We'll go with the last one, the bat thingy. Beers from bat knockers, why not? Anyway, moving on.

Ossett- Yorkshire Blonde (smooth bloonde, 3.9%)

Salopian- Light Fantastic (citrusy pale, 4.2%)

Red Willow- Heartless (chocolate stout, 4.6%)

Right, hope to see you this weekend, and I'm sure you'll join us in wishing a belated happy birthday to Sir David Attenborough, who rumour has is, spent his special day at London zoo punching the Pandas and calling them all bastards. Still, I think he's earned it.

Cheerio!

Afternoon all, hope you're all sizzling along most succulently. Just a spicy little post to showcase our selection of al...
01/05/2026

Afternoon all, hope you're all sizzling along most succulently. Just a spicy little post to showcase our selection of ales this weekend, all of which can be injected directly into your bloodstream or absorbed through the eyeballs. But to be honest, we'd prefer it if you just drunk it. Weirdo.

Phoenix- Boss Man's Brew (golden bitter, 3.8%)

Ossett- White Rat (hoppy pale, 4%)

Ossett- Barghest (silky stout, 4.3%)

Hope to see you this weekend, now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to finish my children's book: Oliver Gravemouse. A delightful tale of a young mouse who gains the memories of the dead by gnawing on their bones. Unfortunately he becomes possessed, turns into a cannibal and ends up being burnt at the stake by his family. Truly, a charming tale for all ages, I think you'll find.

Cheerio!

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and possessed pieces of cutlery (especially sporks), we hope you're all computing effic...
17/04/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and possessed pieces of cutlery (especially sporks), we hope you're all computing efficiently in these ever so tricky times. Just another quick post to inform you of our beer selection this weekend, because as you know, knowledge offers a keener blade than the sharpest of earthly weapons, for only armed thus can we cut through the vines of ignorance and untruth that choke our perceptions. And if you're thinking: "Blimey, that was a bit pretentious", you'd be absolutely right. Anyway, beers!

Lancaster- Blonde (easy drinking blonde, 4%)

Little Critters- Springtime Pale (refreshing pale ale, 4.2%)

Phoenix- Porter (rich porter, 5%)

Anyway, hope to see you this weekend, but now I'm off to finish my exciting new screenplay about an army of flesh-eating zombie shopping trolleys rising from the canal to besiege Stalybridge Tescos.

Cheerio!

Good afternoon all, hope you're all tumbling along surreptitiously. Well then, the Eggster weekend is upon us, and I hop...
03/04/2026

Good afternoon all, hope you're all tumbling along surreptitiously. Well then, the Eggster weekend is upon us, and I hope you're all ready for the delights to come, because it's that special time of year when Kenneth the Eggster Rabbit fires exploding chocolate eggs all over the British countryside from his secret HQ somewhere in the Outer Hebredes. These eggs, launched with pinpoint accuracy from his rabbity bu****le, have a blast radius of fifteen meters and are capable of destroying an armoured tank with pure, chocolaty goodness. So before you retreat to the safety of the communal bunkers, why not pop in for a pint?

Wily Fox- Karma Citra (citusy pale, 4.3%)

Kirkstall- Three Swords (crisp and refreshing, 4.5%)

Lancaster- Black (rich stout, 4.5 %)

Well then, we hope to see you this weekend, and while you may find the idea of a giant rabbit firing exploding eggs from his bum somewhat distressing, don't forget that fragments of chocolate can be sifted from the rubble afterwards, providing a delicious sweet treat for all the kiddies and grown-ups. Such is the spirit of the Eggster Weekend. Hooray!

Cheerio!

Evening all, hope you're all keeping sound as a pound and other forms of legal tender. Well, it seems that spring has we...
06/03/2026

Evening all, hope you're all keeping sound as a pound and other forms of legal tender. Well, it seems that spring has well and truly sprung in Stalybridge. The birds are screeching, the crawlies are creeping, and the flowers are ejecting their sinus wracking reproductive farts into the atmosphere. So why not celebrate the endless cycle of the natural world by downing some of our delicious cask ale, guaranteed to contains thousands of living yeastlings you can murder by plunging them into the acidic cauldron that is your belly.

Black Edge- Brewers Gold (blonde session ale, 3.9%)

Red Willow- Weightless (fruity session IPA, 4.2%)

Mobberley- Stout (creamy stout, 4.5%)

Well, we hope to see you this weekend, and I'll leave you all with an interesting fact: Did you know that the Japanese art of origami was originally utilised as a form of covert weaponry? Yes, ninja assassins would slay their targets using paper cranes and swans, inflicting lethal paper cuts to an artery before vanishing into the shadows. In fact, the fabled paper Dolphin technique was so sharp it could decapitate a man with one slice. Fascinating, no?

Cheerio!

Afternoon all, just a quick post to say that unfortunately our main window shutter is stuck closed. We're open as usual,...
18/02/2026

Afternoon all, just a quick post to say that unfortunately our main window shutter is stuck closed. We're open as usual, but the view is somewhat compromised. Sorry about that, but hopefully we'll get it sorted soon. Hopefully.

Cheers.

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and the country of Japan (and associated territories). Hope your all warm, safe and pre...
13/02/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and the country of Japan (and associated territories). Hope your all warm, safe and prepared for the eight thousand foot wall of snow which is bearing down upon us with apocalyptic speed, ready to turn our green and allegedly peasant land into a frigid hellscape of frozen death. Perfect time for a pint, right?

Red Willow- Feckless (refreshing bitter, 4.1%)

Little Critters- White Wolf (American pale, 5%)

Salopian- Valley of the Shadow (rich stout, 4.8%)

Hope to see you this weekend, and remember: If do find yourself in imminent danger of being flash-frozen by the arctic weather, try and pose yourself so that your icy co**se will amuse and delight any survivors. Suggestions include (but are not limited to): Flicking the V's, Michael Jackson style moonwalking, and my favourite, the Terminator 2 style thumbs up. Feel free to improvise your own unique death pose, just try to make it more interesting than those boring buggers at Pompei. No ambition, those people.

Anyway, cheerio!

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and, of course, Mr. Beamish. Hope you're all keeping warm and have accrued an ample sup...
30/01/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and, of course, Mr. Beamish. Hope you're all keeping warm and have accrued an ample supply of berries to see you through these long winter months. Just a quick post to present our beers ths weekend, hopefully we can tempt you out of your warm, mossy burrows and into a lovely pint of beer. Not to, like, drown or anything. Unless you're a slug. Are you a slug? Dunno, 'cos I can't see you from here. Anyway...

Mobberely- IPA (refreshing Italian Parmesan Ale, 4.5%)

Vocation- Bread and Butter (citrusy pale, 3.9%)

Phoenix- Porter (rich and dark, 5%)

Right then, we hope to see you this weekend, and just to let you know that Pandas are no longer an endangered species, so feel free to eat as many of them as you like.

Cheerio!

Address

41 Melbourne Street
Stalybridge
SK152JJ

Opening Hours

Wednesday 4pm - 11pm
Thursday 4pm - 11pm
Friday 4pm - 11pm
Saturday 1pm - 11pm
Sunday 1pm - 6pm

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