14/04/2025
Undercover Cop Really Hoping Conversation Moves On From Price Of Red Diesel & Fertilizer
Tension is reportedly high in Ma Kearney’s pub this evening as a clearly out-of-place man in a brand-new GAA hoodie and suspiciously clean Dealer Boots is sweating bullets over yet another round of chat about the “scandalous” price of red diesel.
Locals say the man, identifying himself only as “Big Mick from Dungannon,” has been loitering near the bar for hours, awkwardly nodding as regulars passionately debate which fertilizer brand is “still worth the money.”
“He said he farms… goats. Rare breed. On the edge of a quarry,” said one patron, lighting a cigarette so cheap it screamed ‘unlicensed Bulgarian import.’ “He nearly fainted when I asked if he wanted a drop of red off the back of a lorry.”
Sources confirm the man keeps trying to steer the conversation toward Irish Republicanism, muttering things like, “Anyone know how to correctly angle a barrack buster mortar?” while nervously fiddling with a Tesco Clubcard.
Last known news on, “Big Mick” is that he was seen pretending to enjoy a pint of Guinness while Googling “how to fake opinion on silage.”
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