09/12/2023
CHRISTMAS DRINKERS - ALERT
We get it, you're usually dragged up, coked up and quite thick as humans go, but TRY TO HEAR ME...
A. Decide what you want to drink (or if you are buying a round - find out what everyone wants) BEFORE you get the attention of the bartender. We don't have time to wait while you, big baz and Jane from accounts take 5 minutes each deciding what you fu***ng want. The bar is FULL of other people waiting (not that you give a s**t of course)
B. GIVE US YOUR FULL DRINK ORDER IN ONE GO. WE ARE NOT HERE TO MAKE YOU ONE DRINK AT A TIME TAKING 20 ODD MINUTES. THE BAR IS FULL OF OTHERS WAITING TO BE SERVED.
C. TAKE YOUR FARTS ELSEWHERE. Why do older blokes that have sunk 15 pints choose to fart near the bar? There is no worse smell on earth than a beer fart and we are sober (ish) and working therefore notice the dibilitating stench more.
D. Tip your bartender, we're amazing, we're fast and we deserve it after dealing with you c***s all night. Plus sometimes 'resting bitch face' is just someone's concentrating face.
E. If you are derogatory, rude or abusive, we will refuse to serve you. And guess what bitch!? It 2023 and we don't give a f**k if you complain. Most of us are self employed and doing someone else a favour by being there nowadays. We aren't paid enough to deal with your s**t.
F. Make eye contact (if you normally can), say thank you, don't click or whistle at us. I will ignore you if the above isn't adhered to. Not 'ard is it.
G. order your Guinness first and you're cocktails in threes where possible.
That is all. Merry fu***ng Christmas you arseholes.
