The Crown Tavern Kinghorn

03/04/2026

Both pouring fresh this morning 🍺🍺🍺

28/03/2026

I’ve had a shift that would make a saint take up smoking. My knees are creaking like the cellar hatch, and my patience is thinner than the head on a cheap, American lager. 🚬
Then, right on cue, in wanders:
The Afterthought Artist. 🚶🏼‍♂️
He stands there with that glazed look in his eyes, watching me like I’m performing a miracle. 🪄✨
I spend five minutes dodging the gin-botanical-buffet, pouring three G&Ts (all with different gins, different tonics and *absolutely* a different garnish), two pints of IPA, a large Malbec, and a lime and soda (for someone who clearly hates themselves). 🍸🍺🍷
I’ve got the order lined up in front of him.
I’ve even wiped down the back bar.
I’ve reached that brief, beautiful moment of closure.
I look him in the eye and say: “Is that everything?”
And then he does it.
He drops the bomb. 💣
He performs the signature move of: The Afterthought Artist…
He waits until the very last second to utter the three words that make me want to hand in my personal licence and move to a monastery! ⛪️
💥 "And a Guinness.” 🤯
I stare at him. 😒
The queue stares at him. 😒
Even the dog in the corner looks disappointed. 🐩
Listen up…
👉 A Guinness is not an "oh, by the way."
👉 It is a two-part commitment.
👉 It requires gravity, patience, and a Landlord who isn't currently calculating how much bail money he has tucked in the till.
👉 By the time I’ve poured the first stage and let it settle - which is roughly the same amount of time as a tectonic plate shift - your fancy G&Ts have gone flat, the ice has melted into a puddle of sadness, and the head on the IPA has vanished like your common sense. 🫠
👉 If you want the black stuff, you lead with it.
👉 It’s the opening act.
👉 It’s the foundation.
👉 You don’t wait until I’ve finished a marathon of pouring to mention the one drink that requires a three-minute intermission. 🎬
If I hear "And a Guinness" at the end of a ten-drink round one more time this week, I’m serving it to you in a baby bottle. 🍼
Lead with the stout, or stay at home and drink lukewarm milk. 🏠
Now, move aside. I’ve got a pint to watch settle and a grudge to nurse.
What do you think? 👇👇👇
Am I over-reacting

Not My own Work Credit to The Grumpy Landlord

28/03/2026

Right.
Apparently, pubs are “too expensive.” 😬🥵💰
I hear it every day. 🤯
Usually from someone clutching a £6 artisan coffee, scrolling TikTok on a £1,200 phone, while explaining how £6 for a pint is daylight robbery. 💎
But sure. The pub is the problem. 👌
Let me explain this slowly…
You’re not paying £4.20 for “beer”! 🍺
You’re paying for an experience, for a community, for…
💸 The heating being on before you arrive.
💸 The lights staying on after you leave.
💸 The loos being scrubbed (you’re welcome).
💸 The glasses being washed.
💸 The staff being paid.
💸 The licences. The insurance. The rates. The tax.
💸 The little bite the card machine takes every single time you tap.
💸 And the fact that when the cellar floods at 11pm on a Tuesday… it’s me in wellies.

Your Paying For ALL live sports across 4 Tv`s at over £2000 a month
You’re not just buying a drink. 🍷
You’re renting a space to exist in public without being moved on. To socialise. To make friends. To feel welcome. To belong. ❤️
Go and sit in the middle of ASDA for three hours debating VAR and see how long that lasts. Try getting banter from a self-checkout. 😅
Pubs aren’t competing with supermarket booze. 🛒 as we just cant !!!!
We’re competing with the idea that community should be free. 🏘️❤️
And here’s the bit I find fascinating…
The same people who mourn “the death of the British pub” are the ones who treat us like overpriced off-licences. 🍾
We don’t sell beer. 🍺
We sell:
👉 First dates that turned into marriages.
👉 Wakes where the real stories came out.
👉 “Ok, just one” that became the best night of the year.
👉 Somewhere to decompress when the world’s had enough of you and you’ve had enough of the world.
We sell a place to not be alone. 🫂
If you want cheap: stay on your sofa with a four-pack of lukewarm cans 🛋️🥵🍻
But PLEASE don’t confuse low cost with value! 🤷‍♂️
Anyway, I’ll be over here - overcharging for heating, chairs, and human interaction. 🔥🪑🤗
Tag a mate who needs to stop being a tight-arse and buy a round! You know the one. 😂👇

28/03/2026

LIVE TONIGHT 🍻🍻🍺

26/03/2026

This weekends starters 🍺🍺🍺

24/03/2026

24/03/2026

A special cup paying the pub a visit tonight , pop along for a pic with this iconic cup 🏉 7pm

20/03/2026

Now pouring fresh 🍺🍺