27/10/2026
🎱⚽ TUESDAY AT THE RAMP – FREE POOL, FOOTBALL & THE COMPLETE HUMILIATION OF LEICESTER CITY! 🍺🤣
🎱 FREE POOL 12PM–7PM!
Seven glorious hours of free pool! Come down, grab a cue and demonstrate more tactical awareness than the entire Leicester City coaching staff. Admittedly, a damp tea towel has more tactical awareness than that lot. 😂
⚽ 19.45 – LEICESTER CITY vs WIGAN ATHLETIC
🏆 EFL Trophy
🚨 WARNING: FOOTBALL MAY NOT BE INCLUDED! 🚨
Leicester City, once Premier League champions, now resemble eleven confused pensioners trying to find the exit at IKEA.
And overseeing this magnificent sporting catastrophe? RUSSELL MARTIN! 🤡
A man whose tactical genius apparently involves passing the ball sideways until everyone dies of boredom, then conceding because nobody remembered which end they were supposed to defend!
Rumour has it Russell has requested giant arrows painted on the pitch saying “OUR GOAL” and “THEIR GOAL”, although there’s genuine concern his players will still get confused.
His pre-match team talk reportedly consists of:
“Right lads, keep possession, trust the process, and whatever you do, don’t accidentally score.”
Leicester’s defence is about as secure as a garden gate made of custard, their midfield has the urgency of a sedated tortoise, and their attack couldn’t finish a packet of crisps.
Wigan must be absolutely terrified. Of catching whatever Leicester have got. 💀🤣
⚽ 19.45 – BRADFORD CITY vs PETERBOROUGH UNITED
🏆 Carabao Cup 4th Round
Two teams battling for cup glory while Leicester battle to understand the basic principles of association football.
Proper cup football, proper passion, and hopefully somebody who knows what a goalpost is!
⚽ 20.00 – FLEETWOOD TOWN vs ARSENAL
🏆 Carabao Cup 4th Round
🌍👑 THE GREATEST FOOTBALL TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF HUMAN CIVILISATION – FLEETWOOD TOWN! 👑🌍
Forget Real Madrid. Forget Barcelona. Forget Brazil 1970.
FLEETWOOD BLOODY TOWN ARE HERE! 🔥
A footballing superpower so magnificent that the pyramids were merely built as a warm-up exercise for the construction of their trophy cabinet.
Their opponents?
ARSENAL. 🥱
The footballing equivalent of watching beige paint dry on a beige wall in a beige room while somebody reads the terms and conditions of a washing machine warranty.
Arsenal’s idea of excitement is completing 47 sideways passes before winning a throw-in.
Fleetwood, meanwhile, play football so breathtaking that angels weep, mountains tremble and Pep Guardiola sits at home taking notes.
If Fleetwood score, expect church bells across Europe. If Arsenal score, expect an eight-minute VAR check followed by a PowerPoint presentation on positional discipline.
COME ON YOU MIGHTY COD ARMY! 🐟👑
🍺 ALL AT THE RAMP!
🎱 Free Pool 12–7
⚽ Three matches from 7.45pm
🍻 Cold b**r, questionable opinions and absolutely no sympathy for Leicester City!
THE RAMP – WHERE EVEN OUR POOL BALLS HAVE MORE DIRECTION THAN RUSSELL MARTIN’S LEICESTER! 🤣🎱⚽
