Bispham Cons 'Bispham Conservative Club'

14/09/2026

Hey guys! Bispham Cons update time! Crazy week that was. The highlight of course being the ever popular Deadbeats. Great night and well observed by all. Band night again this Friday, so don’t be shy…
Stopped by to see my leg doctor on Friday. We’re practically friends at this stage. Apart from telling me I was an absolute mystery, he also mentioned that the veins in my legs are so incompetent, they’re the worst he’s seen in 15 years as a surgeon. We’ve all gotta be good at something I suppose, and I’m the best at having bad legs! Come at me, bro!
Anyway, I best get back to playing with the coffee machine. I don’t even like coffee, so I should be the one taste testing it really. 🤔

———————————————————————————
🍖 MEAT RAFFLE EVERY SUNDAY 🍖
🥩 TICKETS AVAILABLE BEHIND THE BAR 🥩
Last Weeks Winning No. 42864
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💷🎟️ TOTE DOUBLE EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT 🎟️💷
Last Weeks Numbers 5 - 20
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🎱💷 Bispham Cons Bonus Ball 💷🎱
🤞🏻 Next £1000 Draw is October 3rd 🤞🏻
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🔹Friday🔹 - MARTINI BLONDE are back! Martini Blonde are a collection of talented musicians and singers, covering a cocktail of hits past and present. That’s right, it’s band night again! Don’t miss this one.
Anyway, stop that now, because on top of that we’ve got a few games of the ever popular bingo!, as well as a white hot raffle.

🔹Saturday🔹- STEVE PROCTER is here! Steve is an influential figure in popular music. He’s known for his artistic reinventions and multi-genre performances… Wait, sorry, that’s Justin Bieber. I always get those two mixed up.
Joining the Steve will be bingo! With a sneaky raffle on the side (depending on Tony knowing whether the people will buy). Oooo, touch my face!

🔹Sunday🔹 - We’ve got Paul’s entertainment afternoon from 3-6pm and he’s got 4 games of bingo, a quiz, play your cards right, HOY bingo with the potential of a bit of karaoke thrown in. All sewn together with a host of music and videos.
The biggest secret of them all is still going on on a Sunday night. It’s BINGO NIGHT!! Honestly, it’s three games, it’s fifty quid a game guaranteed, so it’s well worth a try, don’t you think!? We’ve also got DJ Malcolm spinning the cd’s and T Figz manning the Tote Double! So come on, get on down!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Mondays🔶🔸
Because they are also days of the week and we get lonely. Please come in. Just come in!!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Tuesdays🔶🔸
There’s no line dancing anymore unfortunately. But on the plus side for many of you, there’s no line dancing anymore.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Wednesdays🔶🔸
If ever you’ve wanted to experience cringe SO hard it’ll go through you like a knife through a very hard to cut cheese. I mean it’ll linger. It’ll stay in your soul if you let it. It’s honestly quite haunting…
But if that’s your bag, come on down. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to hear the distant cries of a man that’s really not good at darts, as well as the not so distant cries of a man that’s possibly even worse at dominoes.
What you may also like to know, is that we have a small in-house group of people who put on little pantomimes and drama shows for charity. It’s free to join, inclusivity is key and it’s a great way to meet new people. No experience needed or necessary. If you need to use a script on the night then so be it. So come down any Wednesday night and see Marie and the gang of North Shore All Players.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Thursdays QUIZ & BINGO🔶🔸
Thursday nights are just crazy! I mean INSANE! We’ve got our boy Malcolm doing what’s quite possibly the easiest quiz this side of the equator. So grab 26 of your mates, coz you’ll probably need them to get a very average score and have a chance to win £30! We also have two games of BINGO with a guaranteed £50 a game!

⚫️ Please also be aware that the only information I’m ever given on an artiste is their name. Everything after that is purely based on fiction and meant for entertainment purposes. It’s just jokes bro, and not good ones! 🫠✊🏻

07/09/2026

07/09/2026

Well that was a week. And here’s to another one at Bispham Cons. I’m still here, for now. Still talking rubbish. Not sure it’ll be long before I’m replaced by shiny AI pictures of what’s going on. Straight to the point. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are pretty good and considering the average persons attention span is about a nanosecond, it makes sense. I just don’t like it personally. It’s all about moving forward though isn’t it? And hey, if it’s good enough for Dr. Dre, maybe AI really is the future. But personally, I’d rather create something than have a robot create it for me. Now, who’s with me!?

Vive la révolution!

…and on that note, John, can you send me this weeks artiste picture so I can stick it on the Club page 😬

———————————————————————————
🍖 MEAT RAFFLE EVERY SUNDAY 🍖
🥩 TICKETS AVAILABLE BEHIND THE BAR 🥩
Last Weeks Winning No. 42260
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
💷🎟️ TOTE DOUBLE EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT 🎟️💷
Last Weeks Numbers 10 - 11
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
🎱💷 Bispham Cons Bonus Ball 💷🎱
🤞🏻 Next £1000 Draw is October 3rd 🤞🏻
———————————————————————————
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⭐️⭐️ The DEADBEATS ⭐️⭐️
THIS FRIDAY. Tickets £5.00
—————————🎶🎶🎶🎶—————————

🔹Friday🔹 - THE DEADBEATS are back! That’s right. They’re back. Get in early for this one as it’s tickets on the door. £5 each. When they’re gone, they’re gone.
Anyway, stop that now, because on top of that we’ve got a few games of the ever popular bingo!, as well as a white hot raffle.

🔹Saturday🔹- BACK 2 BACK are back to back! Everyone’s favourite dynamic duo are back. Patsy and Dave are back 2 bring their energy back to the back room of The Club. Back.
Joining the duo will be bingo! With a sneaky raffle on the side (depending on Tony knowing whether the people will buy). Oooo, touch my face!

🔹Sunday🔹 - We’ve got Paul’s entertainment afternoon from 3-6pm and he’s got 4 games of bingo, a quiz, play your cards right, HOY bingo with the potential of a bit of karaoke thrown in. All sewn together with a host of music and videos.
The biggest secret of them all is still going on on a Sunday night. It’s BINGO NIGHT!! Honestly, it’s three games, it’s fifty quid a game guaranteed, so it’s well worth a try, don’t you think!? We’ve also got DJ Malcolm spinning the cd’s and T Figz manning the Tote Double! So come on, get on down!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Mondays🔶🔸
Because they are also days of the week and we get lonely. Please come in. Just come in!!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Tuesdays🔶🔸
There’s no line dancing anymore unfortunately. But on the plus side for many of you, there’s no line dancing anymore.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Wednesdays🔶🔸
If ever you’ve wanted to experience cringe SO hard it’ll go through you like a knife through a very hard to cut cheese. I mean it’ll linger. It’ll stay in your soul if you let it. It’s honestly quite haunting…
But if that’s your bag, come on down. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to hear the distant cries of a man that’s really not good at darts, as well as the not so distant cries of a man that’s possibly even worse at dominoes.
What you may also like to know, is that we have a small in-house group of people who put on little pantomimes and drama shows for charity. It’s free to join, inclusivity is key and it’s a great way to meet new people. No experience needed or necessary. If you need to use a script on the night then so be it. So come down any Wednesday night and see Marie and the gang of North Shore All Players.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Thursdays QUIZ & BINGO🔶🔸
Thursday nights are just crazy! I mean INSANE! We’ve got our boy Malcolm doing what’s quite possibly the easiest quiz this side of the equator. So grab 26 of your mates, coz you’ll probably need them to get a very average score and have a chance to win £30! We also have two games of BINGO with a guaranteed £50 a game!

⚫️ Please also be aware that the only information I’m ever given on an artiste is their name. Everything after that is purely based on fiction and meant for entertainment purposes. It’s just jokes bro, and not good ones! 🫠✊🏻

05/09/2026

We have our winners!

Board 1: Lynda Jones
Board 2: Jodie Matthews
Board 3: Tom Kennedy

Congratulations everyone! £1000 each!

04/09/2026

Happy 100th Birthday to an absolute legend of The Club. Been coming in here longer than I’ve been alive. Was a great night last night and I was so happy to see so many people turn out for our Kelly.
Here’s to 100 more years, because I’m pretty sure she’s a vampire or something. No stopping her! Even got up and gave us a song at the end. Like I say… Legend. 🙌🏻

31/08/2026

Hey folks! Sorry for the delay, it’s your Bispham Cons update time! Back to reality after 5 nights in Rome. Lovely place, honestly, you can’t move for all the culture. You only have to turn a corner and you’ll bump into it. You go to church, suddenly you’re in St Peter’s Basilica. You go up some steps, hello, Spanish Steps. You go into one little colosseum and bam!, you’re in The Colosseum. It’s all there.
It being Italy, we were happy to live on a diet of pizza whilst the local mosquitoes lived on a diet of our blood. I’ve never been bit as much. What I thought was the 9th and final parting shot right on my ankle this morning, turned out not to be when one little prick took a chunk out of my head when we were getting on the plane…
I could tell you all about how my little man Hendo was poorly and made an absolute state of himself whilst we were away. About how I basically had to shower with him and now look like I lost a fight with Freddy Krueger. But to be honest, it was quite embarrassing for both parties, so I’ll just leave it…

That’s enough about me though. Onto less important matters…

———————————————————————————
🍖 MEAT RAFFLE EVERY SUNDAY 🍖
🥩 TICKETS AVAILABLE BEHIND THE BAR 🥩
Last Weeks Winning No. 41729
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
💷🎟️ TOTE DOUBLE EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT 🎟️💷
Last Weeks Numbers 7 - 26
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
🎱💷 Bispham Cons Bonus Ball 💷🎱
🤞🏻 Next £1000 Draw is September 5th 🤞🏻
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
⭐️⭐️ The DEADBEATS ⭐️⭐️
Friday 11th of September. Tickets £5.00
—————————🎶🎶🎶🎶—————————

🔹Friday🔹 - STRIKE IT UP are back! Featuring the sensational voice of Maria Bertoletti, this immaculate live classic pop party band features stunning versions of songs by Gloria Gaynor, Abba, Rod Stewart, Ray Charles, Eurythmics, Tom Jones, Cher, Barry Manilow, Heatwave, Love Affair and many more.
Anyway, stop that now, because on top of that we’ve got a few games of the ever popular bingo!, as well as a white hot raffle.

🔹Saturday🔹- THE KEYTARS are here! The Keytars are one of the hardest working wedding bands in Lancashire and the North West. They perform a huge variety of classic party songs to keep your audience on the dance all night long.
Joining the trio will be bingo! With a sneaky raffle on the side (depending on Tony knowing whether the people will buy). Oooo, touch my face!

🔹Sunday🔹 - We’ve got Paul’s entertainment afternoon from 3-6pm and he’s got 4 games of bingo, a quiz, play your cards right, HOY bingo with the potential of a bit of karaoke thrown in. All sewn together with a host of music and videos.
The biggest secret of them all is still going on on a Sunday night. It’s BINGO NIGHT!! Honestly, it’s three games, it’s fifty quid a game guaranteed, so it’s well worth a try, don’t you think!? We’ve also got DJ Malcolm spinning the cd’s and T Figz manning the Tote Double! So come on, get on down!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Mondays🔶🔸
Because they are also days of the week and we get lonely. Please come in. Just come in!!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Tuesdays🔶🔸
There’s no line dancing anymore unfortunately. But on the plus side for many of you, there’s no line dancing anymore.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Wednesdays🔶🔸
If ever you’ve wanted to experience cringe SO hard it’ll go through you like a knife through a very hard to cut cheese. I mean it’ll linger. It’ll stay in your soul if you let it. It’s honestly quite haunting…
But if that’s your bag, come on down. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to hear the distant cries of a man that’s really not good at darts, as well as the not so distant cries of a man that’s possibly even worse at dominoes.
What you may also like to know, is that we have a small in-house group of people who put on little pantomimes and drama shows for charity. It’s free to join, inclusivity is key and it’s a great way to meet new people. No experience needed or necessary. If you need to use a script on the night then so be it. So come down any Wednesday night and see Marie and the gang of North Shore All Players.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Thursdays QUIZ & BINGO🔶🔸
Thursday nights are just crazy! I mean INSANE! We’ve got our boy Malcolm doing what’s quite possibly the easiest quiz this side of the equator. So grab 26 of your mates, coz you’ll probably need them to get a very average score and have a chance to win £30! We also have two games of BINGO with a guaranteed £50 a game!

⚫️ Please also be aware that the only information I’m ever given on an artiste is their name. Everything after that is purely based on fiction and meant for entertainment purposes. It’s just jokes bro, and not good ones! 🫠✊🏻

24/08/2026

Hey everyone. Bispham Cons update time! Hope everyone’s well. On time this week. Nothing major to do. The waters been made harder/softer this week you’ll be glad to hear. I’ve had messages of concern all week and I’m happy to say the water is finally hard/soft. As for the floor, yea, perfect. Spot on. No complaints from me according to my lawyers. Makes all the injuries from last week worth it when you stand back and look at a job well done… 👀
Anyway, Eddie’s here now. I can’t cope. I’ll have to get Joe from over the road in to help me. I’ve not had the crowds he’s had. 🙈

Onward…

———————————————————————————
🍖 MEAT RAFFLE EVERY SUNDAY 🍖
🥩 TICKETS AVAILABLE BEHIND THE BAR 🥩
Last Weeks Winning No. 41379
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
💷🎟️ TOTE DOUBLE EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT 🎟️💷
Last Weeks Numbers 11 - 15
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
🎱💷 Bispham Cons Bonus Ball 💷🎱
🤞🏻 Next £1000 Draw is September 5th 🤞🏻
———————————————————————————
———————————————————————————
⭐️⭐️ The DEADBEATS ⭐️⭐️
Friday 11th of September. Tickets £5.00
—————————🎶🎶🎶🎶—————————

🔹Friday🔹 - SCANDAL are here! Talk about a scandal. Newly rebranded band Scandal have stepped away from their old name of ‘Just Jane’ as people were confusing them for a solo artiste. I can’t help but feel a little responsible for that since I made that exact joke last time they were here. But what are they gonna do about it? Gang up on me? Don’t think so, there’s only one of them. Wait, no, I’ve done it again. It’s multiple people. It’s a band. It’s Scandal.
Anyway, stop that now, because on top of that we’ve got a few games of the ever popular bingo!, as well as a white hot raffle.

🔹Saturday🔹- DANNY VALANCE is here! Talk about another scandal. Newly rebranded solo artiste Danny Valance has stepped away from his old name of ‘Megadeth’ as people were confusing his for the band Megadeth. Ugh. Writes itself this stuff doesn’t it?
Joining Danny will be bingo! With a sneaky raffle on the side (depending on Tony knowing whether the people will buy). Oooo, touch my face!

🔹Sunday🔹 - We’ve got Paul’s entertainment afternoon from 3-6pm and he’s got 4 games of bingo, a quiz, play your cards right, HOY bingo with the potential of a bit of karaoke thrown in. All sewn together with a host of music and videos.
The biggest secret of them all is still going on on a Sunday night. It’s BINGO NIGHT!! Honestly, it’s three games, it’s fifty quid a game guaranteed, so it’s well worth a try, don’t you think!? We’ve also got DJ Malcolm spinning the cd’s and T Figz manning the Tote Double! So come on, get on down!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Mondays🔶🔸
Because they are also days of the week and we get lonely. Please come in. Just come in!!

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Tuesdays🔶🔸
There’s no line dancing anymore unfortunately. But on the plus side for many of you, there’s no line dancing anymore.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Wednesdays🔶🔸
If ever you’ve wanted to experience cringe SO hard it’ll go through you like a knife through a very hard to cut cheese. I mean it’ll linger. It’ll stay in your soul if you let it. It’s honestly quite haunting…
But if that’s your bag, come on down. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to hear the distant cries of a man that’s really not good at darts, as well as the not so distant cries of a man that’s possibly even worse at dominoes.
What you may also like to know, is that we have a small in-house group of people who put on little pantomimes and drama shows for charity. It’s free to join, inclusivity is key and it’s a great way to meet new people. No experience needed or necessary. If you need to use a script on the night then so be it. So come down any Wednesday night and see Marie and the gang of North Shore All Players.

🔸🔶Don’t forget about Thursdays QUIZ & BINGO🔶🔸
Thursday nights are just crazy! I mean INSANE! We’ve got our boy Malcolm doing what’s quite possibly the easiest quiz this side of the equator. So grab 26 of your mates, coz you’ll probably need them to get a very average score and have a chance to win £30! We also have two games of BINGO with a guaranteed £50 a game!

⚫️ Please also be aware that the only information I’m ever given on an artiste is their name. Everything after that is purely based on fiction and meant for entertainment purposes. It’s just jokes bro, and not good ones! 🫠✊🏻