Trades Private Hotel

07/08/2026

🚨🍻 FRIDAY NIGHT CHAOS HAS ARRIVED AT TRADES HOTEL AND BAR! 🍻🚨

From 8PM, the legendary, the unpredictable, the one and only... 🤪 KRAZY KARL 🤪 is let loose behind the bar! 🍺😂 We've hidden the sharp objects, locked away the instruction manual, and crossed our fingers... what could possibly go wrong? 🤦🤣

🎱 Pool table is polished, level, and ready for action... unlike Karl after a couple of coffees! 😜☕

🚪 Fancy something a little more mysterious? Our mystery rooms are open... disappear for a while and see if your mates even notice you're gone! 👀😈🤣

🍻 We're pouring the drinks and the laughs until 4AM, so come and join the madness... because if Karl's working, it's never just another Friday night! 🍺🎉🥳🤣

07/08/2026

🌌🍻 FRIDAY HAS LANDED AT TRADES HOTEL & BAR! 🍻🌌

We've DOUBLED UP on the staff tonight... so whether you're fighting for the Rebellion ⚔️, flying with the Empire 🚀, or just trying to remember where you parked your spaceship... 👽🛸 we've got you covered! 😂

🍺 Beer colder than deep space! ❄️
🎱 Pool table brushed, polished and waiting for someone to claim they were "robbed!" 🤣🎱

🚪 Our legendary mystery rooms are open... disappear for a while, then magically reappear with the biggest grin on your face! 😏😂🚪

⚠️ Warning: Side effects may include laughing too much, buying "just one more", and making friends with complete strangers! 🤪🍻

✨ May the bar be with you... and remember... the force is strong at Trades! 🚀🍺🤣

03/08/2026

😎🍻 MELLOW MONDAY has landed at Trades Hotel and Bar! 🍻😎

Today's victim... sorry... barman is Phil! 😂🍺

If you pop in today, please remember the house rules... 🤫👇

🚫 DON'T ask about his cracked ribs... he might squeak instead of speak! 🤕😂
🌯 DON'T ask about tonight's tea... yes, it's a kebab, and yes, he's already thinking about it! 🤤🤣
🛏️ DON'T ask where he slept last night... the answer changes every time! 🤷‍♂️😂

Instead, treat yourself to...

☕ Freshly ground Rijo coffee to wake you up!
🍫 Luxury hot chocolate if you're feeling fancy!
🎱 A game on our pool table... winner buys the next round! 😉
🚪 Our famous mystery rooms... what happens in there... well... that's the mystery! 😜🤣

Come and give Phil some gentle abuse... just not too much, he's held together with ribs, hope and kebabs! 🤕🌯🍺😂

02/08/2026

🤣🍻 WHAT A NIGHT HERE AT TRADES HOTEL AND BAR! 🍻🤣

For ONE NIGHT ONLY, Phil was promoted to Head Barman... don't worry, normal service will resume tomorrow! 😂👑🍺

Alongside our Mystery Barman, the pair worked absolute miracles... the tills survived, the beer kept flowing, and somehow nobody called the fire brigade! 🚒🍻🤣

If you didn't come along, you missed the biggest shock of the night... 😱 There was a kiss and a cuddle! 😘🤗 One went north ⬆️, the other went south ⬇️... let's just say their sat navs were clearly set to different destinations! 🧭🤣

A huge well done to the dynamic duo! 👏🍺 Same time next time? Only if HR doesn't find out! 😂🤣🍻❤️

01/08/2026

🍻🎉 Saturday Night Shenanigans at Trades Hotel & Bar! 🎉🍻

🍺 From 8PM, Phil is behind the bar... fully trained, mostly supervised, and ready to pour you a cracking pint! 😜🍻

🤫 From 10PM, a surprise barman joins Phil... Who is it? Friend? Legend? Local celebrity? Come along and find out! 👀😂

🎱 The pool table is level, polished, and waiting for tonight's champions... or for someone to blame after missing the easiest black ever! 🤦🎱🤣

🌑 Fancy vanishing for a bit? Our mystery rooms are open and waiting... what happens in there stays in there! 😈😉🖤

🍻 Great drinks, plenty of laughs, and enough mischief to keep everyone smiling! See you tonight at Trades Hotel & Bar! 🎉🥳🍺

01/08/2026

31/07/2026

🚨 IT’S FINALLY FRIDAY… AND THE WEEKEND STARTS HERE! 🚨

You’ve survived another week of work, dodged just enough responsibility to make it to payday, and now it’s time to reward yourselves the proper way… at Trades! 🍻

And yes… before anyone asks…

🤪 Krazy Karl is back behind the bar!

Don’t worry you guys, he’s very happily married to an absolutely amazing woman, so you’ll have to admire from a safe distance. His heart belongs to his wife… although his mouth still belongs to anyone willing to listen to his nonsense! 😂
Standing alongside him is…?????

😇 Phil, the man, the myth, the legend… still proudly embracing the “No Denture Adventure.” Flashing a smile that’s more gums than glamour, but somehow still serving drinks with military precision.
Tonight’s entertainment includes:
🍺 Perfectly poured pints.
🤣 Banter that should probably come with a disclaimer.
🙄 Karl claiming he’s “run off his feet” while somehow finding time to chat to every single customer.
🦷 Phil proving you don’t need a full set of teeth to pull a perfect pint.
So if you’re looking for:
✅ Great drinks
✅ Great company
✅ Plenty of laughs
✅ Terrible dance moves after midnight
✅ And enough sarcasm to last you until Monday…
Open until 4am

Then you know exactly where you need to be.
Join us at Trades and let’s kick the weekend off in style. Whether you’re out for one pint or accidentally staying until closing, we’ve got you covered.
Trades – where the drinks are cold, the laughs are free, Karl’s happily married, Phil’s still searching for his missing teeth, and your good decisions end the moment you walk through the door! 🍻🤣

30/07/2026

🌙🍻 THURSDAY NIGHT AT TRADES HOTEL & BAR! 🍻🌙

🚪 We're OPEN, the beer is cold 🍺, the banter is flowing 😂, and the only thing missing... is YOU! 😜

🎱 The pool table is standing by, waiting for someone to sink a few balls... or completely miss them and blame the cue! 🤣🏆

🌑 Our shadowy hideaways are open too... whether you're feeling adventurous 😈, playing hide and seek 🙈, or just escaping that mate who never stops talking! 😂🖤

🍺 So get yourself down, grab a drink, have a laugh, and let Thursday night get a little bit naughty... or at least a little bit memorable! 😉🎉

😈 Trades Hotel & Bar – where the drinks are cold, the laughs are loud, and there's always a bit of mischief waiting! 🍻🤣

30/07/2026

🤔 Our Lady of the House is behind the bar from 12pm! 🍻 It's Craig... also known as Bucket! 🪣😂 Pop in and say hello... if you dare! 😜

🎱 The pool table is polished, level(ish), and ready for anyone brave enough to claim they're "actually quite good!" 🤣🏆

☕ Need a pick-me-up? We've got a cracking selection of Rijo coffees ☕ and luxurious hot chocolates 🍫 because not everyone starts the day with a pint... although we won't judge! 🍺😏

🌑 Fancy disappearing for a while? Our shadowy hideaways are open and waiting... perfect for hiding from your mates, your ex... or the person you still owe a round to! 😂🙈

🍻 Doors open from 12pm – come and see Craig "Bucket", enjoy a laugh, sink a pint, and let the weekend mischief begin! 😜🎉