Daly Waters Pub

17/10/2026

13/10/2026

A Russian woman married an Australian gentleman and they settled down in Melbourne. They loved each other dearly and got along just fine.

The only challenge was that her English was still a bit limited, especially when she went shopping on her own.

One day she went to the butcher to buy chicken legs. Unfortunately, she didn't know the English words for what she wanted.

After a moment of panic, she flapped her arms, clucked like a chicken and lifted her skirt slightly to point at her thighs.

The butcher smiled and said, "Chicken legs! No worries."

Success!

The next day she returned, this time wanting chicken breasts.

Again, she couldn't remember the words. So she clucked like a chicken and pointed to her chest.

The butcher nodded knowingly.

"Chicken breasts. Got it."

Another successful shopping trip.

On the third day she wanted to buy sausages.

She stood outside the butcher's shop scratching her head, trying to work out how on earth she was going to explain what she wanted.

She thought about acting like a pig.

She thought about drawing a picture.

She even considered pointing at random things and hoping for the best.

After several minutes she gave up and went home to get her husband.

Together they walked into the butcher's shop.
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Nearly there.
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What were you expecting?

Her husband speaks English!

He simply walked up to the counter and said:

"G'day mate, could we grab a kilo of sausages, please?"

That's it.

That's the whole story.

The butcher wrapped them up, took the money, and they went home.

Fair dinkum, some of you lot have minds dirtier than a cane farmer's Akubra after a wet season.

I wasn't concerned when you started scrolling...

I got concerned when you kept scrolling looking for the "other" ending!

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07/10/2026

A copper pulls over a bloke for speeding.

"Mate, I clocked you doing 130 km/h in an 100 zone."

The driver replies, "Nah, officer, I had the cruise control set on 100. Must be something wrong with your radar gun."

Without looking up from her knitting, the wife says,

"Don't be ridiculous, love. This ute doesn't have cruise control."

The copper starts writing out the ticket.

The bloke glares at his wife and mutters,

"Would you mind keeping your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles and says,

"Well, you should be grateful your radar detector went off when it did, otherwise you'd have been going even faster."

The officer sighs and starts writing a second ticket for the illegal radar detector.

The bloke turns red.

"Seriously, woman, can you just be quiet?"

The officer then notices the driver's seat belt.

"And I see you're not wearing your seat belt either, mate. That's another fine."

The driver quickly replies,

"I had it on, officer. Took it off when you pulled me over so I could get my licence out."

The wife chimes in again.

"Oh, come off it, dear. You never wear your seat belt."

Now the officer starts writing a third ticket.

The bloke snaps,

"WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!"

The officer looks over at the wife and asks,

"Does your husband always talk to you like that, ma'am?"

The wife replies:

"Only when he's had a few beers." 🍺😆

05/10/2026

Aunty Sarah was in her 80s and had spent her entire life on the family cattle station, miles outside a small bush town.

One year, she travelled to Melbourne to visit her niece and husband, who lived in one of those posh suburbs where the grass is greener than a wet season paddock.

Just down the road was a famous golf course.

On her second afternoon, Aunty Sarah decided to go for a wander.

When she got back, her niece asked,

"How was your walk, Aunty?"

"Oh, lovely, dear," replied Aunty Sarah.

"I found some beautiful green paddocks. There were quite a few blokes spread out across them. Every now and then one would start yelling at me, but I couldn't make out what all the fuss was about."

"Then four fellas followed me around for ages, waving their arms and carrying on like they were trying to yard a rogue bull."

"Whatever for?" asked her niece.

"No idea," said Aunty Sarah. "Strange bunch."

Then she placed a large shopping bag on the kitchen table.

"Mind you, I did find all these little white balls lying around. Thought they might come in handy, so I picked them up."

Her niece looked inside and nearly fell off her chair.

"AUNTY SARAH! They're golf balls!"

Aunty Sarah's eyes widened.

"Well, that explains it!"

"Explains what?"

"Those four blokes spent the whole afternoon chasing me around the paddock yelling 'FORE!'"

She paused for a moment.

"Mind you, I still don't know who the other three were."

04/10/2026

Not Happy Jan!!!!

30/09/2026

I'm so FU***NG PI**ED ... had to leave the house to run to the fu**in store to pick up some food. I return to the house. There are 4 police cars and 6 police officers in my FU***NG HOUSE. Front door has been KNOCKED off the HINGES; S**T EVERYWHERE, and apparently they were LOOKING for SOMETHING. I'm stuck outside with this absolute fu**ing as***le of an officer and the others are inside searching through everything, even through my laundry basket. They checked my closet, under my mattress. They tore everything apart. I'm flipping the f**k out as I'm trying figure out what's going on. I asked if they had a search warrant, and if I could see it. The cop in my bedroom yells, "Where did you hide it?! We know it's here! We are searching." Then I yell back, "If I had an idea of what THE F**K you're EVEN looking for sir, maybe THEN I could fu**ing HELP!" He shoots me the "You wanna go to the watch house?" look, so I shut up and watch one of the other police officers look down at his phone.Then he shouts, "Guys Stop! Hold on. We're in the wrong house! The fu**ing pokemon is next door!" If you fell for this, like I did, feel free to copy & paste and put it on your page.

26/09/2026

Hi all, We have some AMAZING news, we are EXPECTING!!!!!!! 12 weeks!! I know I'm in shock too! I can't believe it myself! We weren't going to put it on facebook but wanted to make it official. 🙂 I mean who would have guessed that we're expecting!! yup its official...we are expecting Santa in just 12 weeks!!! Re-post if you have any sense of humor 🙂

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