17/04/2026
“Team are going to fu***ng kill me for saying this, but it has to be said...
We just sold more spirits in one weekend than we have ever sold, and it was a bunch of Victorian toffs that took the trophy. I’m fu***ng livid. Like don’t get me wrong, we love cracking records over here, but at the cost of a bunch of Melbournians taking it away from the home grown die hards (hats of to the locals that braved the imports and came anyway) makes me want to eat 2 large supreme pizzas and be sick on myself.
For the love of God, I am begging you all to rally together as one community, one body, one power, and take back what should be rightfully yours, one tequila shot at a time (responsibly though, RSA and whatnot).
Disclaimer: Victoria, we don’t actually think you’re toffs that much. It’s all for the love of Shotgun Theatre.
PS. Sorry team, I know its been a rough few weeks. Hang in there. We’ll shut the doors and have bonfire somewhere soon.
PPS. If anyone knows anywhere we can legally have a bonfire, please inform us immediately, as I have just publicly promised our team a bonfire staff party...
PPPS. If anyone wants to host a Shotgun Bonfire Party, also please inform us. I think I have an idea.”