Bold Dish

02/14/2019

If you're anything like me, at some point in your life, you've had that moment where you said, what the heck is my THING?

That thing you're here to do...your purpose...your calling..your contribution...whatever you want to call it. And how do you figure out what it IS?!

The truth is, some people are just born knowing it.
Others go on a journey to discover it.
And some just fall into it by chance when they weren't even looking.

I'm in the camp of "journey to discover it." And a lot of parts of the journey haven't exactly been fun - at least I never let them be. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I strained to find THE ANSWER.

So when, after 3 years of searching I had a moment where it felt like all the pieces finally fell into place...it was SWEET RELIEF!

But only for a moment. Then it was time to figure out how to actually do it. Which led to more pressure and more stress. No. Fun. At. All. And a whole lotta second guessing and stuckness.

More and more, I'm learning that clarity comes with ACTION. And just taking the next right step is all you have to do. You DON'T have it all figured out to start.

Never has that hit home like seeing my aunt honored this weekend with a BAFTA Fellowship (Read: it's like the lifetime achievement award for the British version of the Oscars). And Prince William (yes, the one and only) presented it to her. Crazy right?

I've been in awe of my aunt's career my whole life. As Martin Scorsese's film editor, she has helped create some of the most iconic films of our time. She's been nominated for 7 Oscars - and WON 3! (One time I even went with her).

But here's the thing...this was a career she fell into by pure happenstance. She wanted to be a diplomat. And when that didn't pan out, she simply followed opportunities that fell into her path.

So, if you are struggling to find YOUR thing, absolutely stay curious. Absolutely explore and play with different ideas. But MOST importantly, start moving toward something - even if it doesn't make sense quite yet, but simply FEELS right.

You never know where it might lead...

And, if you are looking for ideas of where to start, leave me a comment and let me know what your biggest question is. I'd love to help you find the next right step to get you moving!

With love,
Kristine

Thelma Schoonmaker speaks about her time as an editor for Martin Scorsese. subscribe to BAFTA ⏩ https://youtube.com/user/BAFTAonline check out BAFTA Guru ⏩ h...

12/29/2018

It’s a rainy Saturday morning, so I’m snuggled up with my favorite spicy chocolate americano, breaking in my new notebook (a gift from my sister). I’m not a fan of New Years resolutions, but I am a fan of New Year’s intentions. They feel more flexible and more impactful. When I think about an intention rather than a goal, I tend to get at bigger things, and it’s easier to keep coming back to it throughout the year.

So, while I sip on this deliciousness, here are some questions I’m pondering to help discover my intention for 2019.

What’s a feeling you want to experience more?
What would you like to leave behind?
What are you finally ready to embrace?
What side of you do you want to share more?
What muscle do you want to build?
What idea do you want to spread in your community?

Wanna join me? Carve out some quiet time today to sit with these. See what comes up. And when you feel like you’ve got it all out, sit back, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and see what word or phrase feels most important for you to hold close to your heart in 2019.

I’ll pop back in a bit and let you know what I come up with…and I’d love you to leave a comment and share yours.

12/25/2018

12/23/2018

I just returned home after 2 1/2 weeks of travel and oh does it feel good to be home! Part of the time, I spent 6 days with 30 people at a retreat called Awaken the Heart. Now, while I’m a self-proclaimed personal development ju**ie and have been excited about this event for about 4 months, I also had TONS of trepidation.

I knew it was would be a pretty emotional experience but had no clue what we were going to be doing. All we were told was “Yoga starts at 8 AM Thursday and the retreat ends sometime Tuesday.”

* One of the only people I knew before the retreat wanted me to share a room – with 4 (yes 4!!) people. No. Personal. Space.

* I value vulnerability above anything in relationships – AND it’s something that’s still hard for me sometimes.

* Ditching all tech (phones, TV, etc) was STRONGLY encouraged for the week.

* AND, if all that wasn’t enough, when I arrived, already nervous, I walked into a room of virtual strangers sitting in a half-circle facing at each other. I wanted to turn around and make a run for it. I mean, WTF was I about to get myself into??

Spoiler alert – I didn’t run – and I can honestly say those 6 days changed my life.

For the first few days, it was my typical M.O. – quickly size up who looks warm and open (read: safe) and cling to them like crazy glue. I made some new friends…and made plenty of assumptions about others that didn’t seem so friendly.

Then on day 4 something big changed. I put myself in the hot seat to get coached around how to trust myself and feel safe to open up and be more vulnerable.

Now, anyone that knows me is well aware I’ve got a fierce side that spends a lot of time “on guard.” I’ve affectionately named that part of me, Patricia.

And while my soul craves vulnerability – Patricia knows I’ve been burned in the past, and she’s got a hair-trigger response to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

While I wanted to be vulnerable and learn, the whole situation was sending my nervous system into hyperdrive and keeping Patricia firmly in charge.

I was in a chair in the middle of this damn semi-circle, with 30 people staring at me.
I was sharing the details of several experiences where, when I was vulnerable I was dismissed, mocked or lost an important relationship.

The whole thing was facilitated by a man who stretches me AND also triggers me to question whether he’s safe for me to be vulnerable or not (EXACTLY why I put myself in the hot seat).

I ended up being up there for 3 – yes 3 HOURS! And it was scary as hell at times. But it ended up being the best thing I’ve ever done and taught me a crazy valuable lesson.

I’m always looking for signals that someone is safe for me to open up. Until I feel safe, my guard (and my resting bitch face) is leading the way, which isn’t signaling safety to THEM either. It’s an epic RBF standoff that leads to a quick exchange of pleasantries AT BEST.

But when I was willing to be more open myself and share my experience, it was relatable to everyone in the room.

They saw themselves in me, learned from my experience and immediately felt closer to me. It inspired them to share with me too.

The sweetest exchanges of the week were with three of the women I would have never approached on my own. One even tackled me with a huge hug in the hallway during a break which blew me away.

Because I was willing to open up, I now have a crew of lifelong friends.

So, as the holidays approach, let’s make a pact, shall we?

Let’s OPEN UP!

Let’s be the example for our girlfriends and families by starting a conversation about something on our heart.
Let’s take up space and hold space for them.

It might feel a little awkward or scary. But what’s on the other side of that feeling is SO damn worth it.

You’ll feel more CONNECTED and be truly SEEN by the those we love. And they will by you.

And THAT is the greatest gift we can give.

P.S. If you’re looking for inspiration to start a heartfelt conversation, or still hunting for a unique gift, shop my Dinner Parties in a Box. They have everything you need to connect over yummy food and spark an interesting conversation about the meaningful things in life we rarely get to in our day to day chit chat. www.bolddish.co

12/08/2018

Still struggling to find that perfect gift for your girlfriend, mom, client or teacher? Why not give her something to FEED her SOUL?

We all CRAVE more CONNECTION, but have no clue how to create it.

But it’s a simple recipe:
1. Share an experience
2. Create a warm, comfortable space
3. Spark a great conversation

Our dinner kit has everything you need to connect over yummy food and spark interesting conversation about the meaningful things in life we rarely get to in our day to day chit chat.

It's the perfect way to build deeper connection with new ladies in her life or even life long friends.

Get yours here: www.bolddish.co

10/23/2018

Want to see something interesting? Count how many times today you talk about your feelings as a label for what you are.

I’m stuck. I’m pi**ed. I’m sad. I’m happy.

Most of us were never taught an important distinction - your feelings aren’t who you ARE, they’re a TOOL to bring you back in touch with who you are and what you really want or need.

So when you catch yourself slappin' a label on…and you will…

Stop and ask yourself why…

Look to see what that feeling is trying to tell you.

I’ll bet you’ll be surprised. Leave a comment and let me know what you find :)

09/19/2018

Have you ever had a vision for something you longed to bring into the world? I’ll bet you felt alive, creative, and totally aligned with a sense of purpose. And you couldn’t wait to get started.

So you got to work on your dream. But somewhere along the way, doubt and confusion started creeping in. The negative voice in your head said everything you were creating or thinking was total crap. It wasn’t interesting to anyone but you. You had no idea how (or even worse, though you weren’t enough) to make it real.

Sound familiar? I’ve been there.

This picture was from a night over 5 years ago when I first had the vision for Bold Dish. Since that night I’ve done some things to make the vision real.

I built a beautiful website...
Outlined a book I wanted to write…and started some of it...
Shot a video to help people see my vision...
Created a product...
Participated in a couple events...
Wrote a talk and actually gave it …..once…
Published some blog posts...

In a world full of people ready to put you down or make snarky comments about how unrealistic your idea is, I give myself credit for starting. And for putting myself out there at all when most people struggle to find the courage to even try.

But if I’m being honest, there’s an awful lot I’ve allowed to distract me too.

Worrying constantly that I just don’t know what I'm doing.
Knowing things take time to build, but seeing lack of results as failure.
Binging on Netflix because I was down on myself for not being further along.
Letting house projects be a reason to sit on the sidelines.
Allowing family challenges take my focus for weeks and months at a time, by telling myself if my endeavor wasn’t “legit" yet, it was somehow less important.

I don’t ever regret showing up for friends and family. And feeling down on yourself at times is an unavoidable byproduct of growing and stretching. Anyone that tells you to just think positive thoughts is full of crap.

The real problem is allowing the doubt to be louder than your soul calling you to create something bigger than yourself.

There’s something inside me that feels downright compelled to inspire more honest conversations that help women understand each other more deeply, show ourselves and each other more compassion, and challenge us to be true to ourselves, so we can create the lives we crave.

I don’t have all the answers how to do it. But, I do have the intention to create a space, over a glass of wine or a great meal, to connect, share stories and start conversations that will support us all to get there – wherever “there” is for YOU.

No matter what your dreams are or how big or small they feel, putting yourself out there is hard. Allowing yourself to be SEEN is hard. That negative nelly in your head is one mouthy broad.

But when she starts in on you, come back to your dream. Keep moving forward – consistently and imperfectly – ever single day.

Your dreams matter.
You matter.

And I truly believe, if we work together, we can all create the life we crave – one meal, one glass of wine and one conversation at a time.

Is there something you’ve been longing to do or create? What can you do today to recommit to your dream?

09/04/2018

Follow the path that feeds your soul....and some days that’s through a park in a sun shower.

What’s calling you today?

08/28/2018

Can you fall in love with your resistance?

A few months ago, my friend Natalie and I were having one of our amazing bi-coastal Skype dates. She was telling me that part of her yoga practice was teaching that any time resistance comes up, to acknowledge it…and then say “and I love it.” I’ve carried that idea with me ever since.

This weekend, out of nowhere, heartbreak I experienced last year snuck up like a tidal wave and I couldn’t shake the funk.

I could have beat myself up for letting it get the better of me. Or for not being over it. I could have tried to force myself to power through and get the things done today I had planned all week. The old me would have.

But the new me didn’t do any of that.

Instead, I acknowledged how far I’ve come.
I asked myself what I needed.
And today, what I needed was to give myself a break…and permission to have a really good, judgment-free cry.

And, now, I’m ready to take on the week.

So, next time you have a day…and we all have them….go easy, ask yourself what you need, and know you’ll get right back up tomorrow and start again.

The courage to be vulnerable, especially with yourself, is real strength.

You got this!

08/04/2018

Love. This. Nothing is sexier than men who aren’t afraid to dive deep into interesting, philosophical conversation - especially about gender stereotypes and challenging the definition of what it means to be a “real man.”

There’s a saying that men bond shoulder to shoulder and women bond face to face. While that may be true on the surface, I actually think it’s bu****it. I can’t tell you how many men I know are all about this stuff - with their girlfriends or wives. But get them in a crowd of men and it’s football, beer and surface conversations. Why? Because society loves to box us into our pre-defined gender stereotypes.

But here’s the thing. There’s nothing odd with also wanting genuine connection. There’s nothing weak about vulnerability. And there’s nothing crazy about having the curiosity to challenge your beliefs and societal norms. And there’s nothing frivolous about having and expressing emotions. THESE are the markers of true strength. And they are qualities we all share. It’s called being human.

Sadly, growing up there was no model for how to do it. That’s changing. And it’s about time.

01/03/2018

Just before New Years 2017 I saw a tweet from Marianne Williamson. I don't even use twitter. But this was one tweet I apparently needed to see. And the first of many signs that would carry me through a year of longtime coming, desperately needed, gut-wrenchingly hard, bittersweet transformation.

“The world is on a trajectory leading to worldly chaos in 2017, but simultaneously - if we all dig deep enough - to miraculous transformation"

Of course, Marianne, was talking about the palpable undercurrent of energy that was shaking the foundation, identity and culture of countries around the world. Global warming. Political gridlock. The rise of nationalism. ISIS. North Korea a nuclear state. Acceptance of sexual harassment. Yes, Marianne, lots of chaos in the world. But that’s not what I read in that tweet. The message may as well have been “your world”…your world Kristine….is careening toward MASSIVE chaos in 2017. But hang on. Dig deep. Do the work. And you’ll come out the other side better than ever.

My 2017 (January 2nd around 10:30PM to be exact) began with an implosion. And even though something in me felt it coming months before, it still rocked me to my core. Over the next 7 months, everything that was comfortable and familiar about my life - things that had become part of my identity - one by one, were stripped away. My relationship of 10 years crumbled. I moved out out my home. I laid to rest a pet of 16 years. I discovered I’d been battling adrenal fatigue for close to two years, which was causing massive mood swings, depression and other health issues. I went back to a corporate job wondering if my dreams of bringing Bold Dish to life were dead. It was one of the most painful experiences I’ve been through. But once all the pieces had fallen, and there was nothing left of my everyday life I recognized, I found something amazing. Perspective. Peace. And pure, unadulterated joy in the simplest of things.

That tweet has stuck with me all year and has been a constant reminder of one of the most important lessons I've learned through it all.

When crisis comes a knockin', you have a choice to make. Be the victim or take charge. Run away from the pain or accept the invitation...
to get to work
to really look at what’s going on
to turn your belief system on its head
to rethink everything you've ever known about relationships
to re-examine who you truly are - and who you want to be
to dig in and deepen your faith
to grow emotionally & spiritually
to tap in and listen to your intuition more
to deconstruct
and in that process, become someone else...
someone else who emerges from the chaos...
who you really are underneath the pile of old defense systems, flawed beliefs, anxiety and insecurities you’ve been lugging around for decades...
the person you truly are - and were always meant to be.

That’s when everything changes.

In the moment, making the choice to dig in can feel hard. But a year later, I’m still standing. While I’ve sat in more hurt and pain than I thought was physically bearable, I’ve also realized that facing it is how you grow. I may not have it all figured out - yet. And this year, I’m not making any resolutions or grand plans, except to keep taking the next right step one day at a time. But each day, more and more pieces fall into place. And I know the best is truly yet to come.

So, the next time the s**t hits the fan - whether it’s a relationship, your job, your family, great loss - grieve, cry, hit whatever you have to - and then say yes to the invitation. Get curious about the lesson that’s there. And get your ass to work. After all, what’s the point of dealing with all the pain, if you don’t hang on til you get to the other side of it? That’s where the good stuff is.

XO,
Kristine