11/14/2024
I am now the age my mother was when she died. It is a total mindf**k.
It’s been 24 years since she died, but I lost her long before that. The death caused by cirrhosis of the liver is so incredibly disturbing to witness. In her case it was a slow decline and lasted a couple years. At the end she was skin and bones and almost green. She had to keep a towel nearby to wipe away moisture seeping out of her pores. She ended up with dementia and had no clue who I was every day when I’d visit. She would tell me her daughter was coming to see her…only, I was there. I was right fu***ng there.
She was a mom until about age 12 and declined from there. Drugs and alcohol and theft and embezzlement. When I told her boss that she was an alcoholic and that’s why she did it, they sentenced her to rehab instead of jail time. My mother hated me for it. I thought rehab was a better option. Silly me. She started drinking again the second she was released.
She was a s**t mother, but she was the only one I had.
I had apparently blocked out a lot of my childhood, but the older I get, the more I remember and I’ll tell ya, I wish I didn’t.
Kids shouldn’t have to raise themselves.
Kids shouldn’t have to start working at 12yo to help with bills.
Kids shouldn’t have to help their parent navigate jail time for embezzlement.
Kids shouldn’t have to witness their parent die a long drawn out disgusting death.
Kids shouldn’t be fu***ng traumatized by their childhood.
But you know the drill…
On the anniversary of her death, we have a drink. Because alcohol is the one thing she loved so fu***ng much, she died for it.
RIP
